There are only two ways of reflecting on former relationships. The first is the Ariana Grande brand of “Thank u, next,” centering around gratitude for learning and personal growth. The second is sponsoring a cockroach and naming it after your ex.
If your ex was a real vermin, this Valentine’s Day you can pay a zoo in England about $2 (£1.50) to name a cockroach after them.
The Hemsley Conservation Center in Kent, England is running a “Valentine Cockroach” promotion. Those who donate money to the zoo can see their ex’s name displayed on the “Roach Board” in the cockroach pen alongside the names of hundreds of other trashy exes.
Perhaps your ex has quite a few things in common with a cockroach. Could they also live without their head for a week? Can they eat anything, even crap? Or could they survive a nuclear explosion?
Whether you refer to them as “Brad” or “Meghan” or “Exy McExFace,” you can publicly shame your former significant other. (If a good friend has recently gone through a terrible breakup and is facing Feb. 14 alone, you can also name a cockroach on their behalf.) The donation also includes a certificate that users can download and print off, detailing the cockroach donation.
And if you’re in England, the certificate will get you free entry into the zoo, where you could spot another animal to name after your other exes. (Apes and snakes are great places to start.)