Women are sharing the things their male friends do that make them uncomfortable
Friendships, just like relationships, have the potential to be one-sided and toxic. But with friendships, it feels like there's less of a clear blueprint on how to handle things, and how to navigate a friendship breakup if you decide you no longer want a former pal in your life. And this can be especially tricky when you're a woman who is friends with (let's be honest, mainly straight, cisgender) men. For the most part, our male friends are good lads who treat us with respect - otherwise we wouldn't be friends with them, right? But occasionally, because patriarchy f*cks everyone over, our male friends can make us feel uncomfortable, piss us off, or just not get it. Not excusing it, but they've been socialised differently, after all.
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For many of us, if someone makes us feel uncomfortable, we just tell them. But not everyone has that confidence, and sometimes it's hard to communicate to a friend how they've overstepped a boundary. Confrontation can be scary, OK! That's why these women are sharing the things their male friends do that make them feel uncomfortable, and that they wish they'd stop doing.
1. "One thing that bothers me is feeling like I'm not really included at times. My friends are my boyfriend's friends, and sometimes I feel like they see me more as their friend's girlfriend instead of their friend, despite knowing them for five years. Like if one of them asks/says something regarding both of us they'll usually just ask him." [via]
2. "Talk over me without even realising, because they're talking so loud they can't hear anything else." [via]
3. "It bothers me when guy friends do that thing where they put their hand on your back to sort of guide you, or urge you to move in front of them. It has a boyfriend-y vibe to me, but also I feel like I'm being treated differently because I'm a woman." [via]
4. "'Falling in love' with me and then acting like it's my fault." [via]
5. "Picking me up. A lot of them will pick me up and spin me around when hugging me, or pick me up to move me out of the way instead of just telling me to move. Some of them stopped after I said I don't like it, but some of them just continue, knowing I'm not strong enough to stop them. I don't like it. I'm not a cat or a baby." [via]
6. "Apologising for swearing in front of me. I swear all the time, and the apology, though probably well-intended, just makes me feel excluded because of my gender." [via]
7. "I had one guy friend for decades, we’d known each other since school and we were great friends. But every time I’d bring another guy around he’d start doing things like slapping my butt, putting his arm around me, or telling stories that only included us so the other guy would feel left out. He never did those things when it was just the two of us hanging out, so I knew it was an obvious play for male dominance. I stopped being friends with him for that reason, very toxic and immature." [via]
8. "Only talking to me when they are single. I had a good guy friend who is always an awesome buddy even when I'm in a relationship. But as soon as he gets into one, he's literally out of my life forever. Ridiculous!" [via]
9. "Demand that I explain to them the behaviour of some random girl I don't know because they're mad. Like dude, I have no idea why she doesn't want to flirt back with you, maybe she's not interested? It's as if they expect me to check the Female Hive Mind on demand because they're annoyed at the behaviour." [via]
10. "Most of my good male friends are my boyfriend’s friends. Usually they just treat me like one of the guys, but around this time last year my boyfriend went on a work trip for about a week and I stayed at this place for the week without him. His roommates/friends treated me totally different when he was abroad. They were so flirtatious and tease-y towards me in a way they hadn’t been before then, and haven’t been since. I still love those guys, but that experience did kind of reshape my relationship with them." [via]
11. "Distancing themselves socially when they get a girlfriend. I’ve noticed a pattern when my guy friends start dating someone. We’ll all hang out as a group and they’ll bring their girlfriend over, but my guy friends won’t talk or interact with me as much." [via]
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