Women Are Sharing The Most Ridiculous Insecurities Of The Men They've Dated, And Yeah, It's Pretty Much Straight Misogyny

·20 min read

It's not an overstatement to say that most, if not all, people have insecurities. However, when those insecurities are so consuming, they can begin to affect those around you. Of course, these insecurities can be even worse when they're founded in prejudice or result in attempts to control those around you.

Universal Pictures / Via giphy.com

Case in point: Recently, u/Morganlovesu asked, "Women, what are your insecure men horror stories?" And many women responded, sharing stories of the most insecure men they'd dated and how their insecurities played out in their relationships:

1."He dumped me because he believed I had slept with two more people than him. I hadn't told him my real number in the first place — it’s no one else's business — but it was actually a lot higher than two. He stewed on it for three years before dumping me because he felt like less of a man. He's the man, so his number should have been higher. He asked me back out six months later because he had slept with three people, making his number 'higher' than mine and making me acceptable to date again. He failed to realize that I wasn't celibate for those six months."

"His additional three didn't even cover my original, true number — never mind cover the additional people I'd slept with during those six months. Idiot.

A man asking me that question now is a huge red flag, and I don't entertain men like that. I back out immediately." —u/SleepFlower80

2."I had an ex who was pissed at me at a Bath & Body Works because I wanted to get a musky, cologne-scented candle. His stance was that it was basically cheating because it 'smelled like a man.'"

inside a Bath & Body Works store

"Yes, he was serious." —u/natsuhime

Johnny Louis / Getty Images

3."I got married very young, and my mother died of cancer shortly before our one-year anniversary. I was 19 going on 20. My now ex-husband stated that I chose my mother over him since I spent so much time with her while she was dying."

"He also would get upset with me for grieving and crying in the year after she died." —u/hileo98

4."When I was 20, I was dating a man for about four or five months. We were going out to a Halloween party with a bunch of his friends. He and I were roughly the same height. Not thinking about it, I wore heels. I met him at the party, and he told me I had to change my shoes. I didn't have other shoes with me, and I was an hour from home since this was on his college campus. He wouldn't talk to me the entire night. When we got back to his place, he screamed at me for an hour that I was an embarrassment — all because he was insecure about his height."

table with pumpkins and candles at a Halloween party

"I didn't care about his height. I dated two other men who were my height. One stood on his tippy-toes the one time I saw him while wearing heels. The other never gave a shit about height and was confident. Guess which one I stayed friends with." —u/CinematicHeart

Evgenyatamanenko / Getty Images / iStockphoto

5."I drew a picture of a flower on a bar napkin and gave it to my then-boyfriend. He glared at me and said, 'When you do stuff like this, it makes me feel so small.'"

u/badadvicefromaspider

6."We worked in similar fields — I'm a paramedic, and he was a police officer — that's how we met. After a month together, we were set to go on a date, but I canceled due to a nasty migraine. My paramedic partner, a man, brought me medicine. As a long-time paramedic, he had a good idea of what would help. Shortly after he left, I got a text from the guy I was dating asking why another man had come to my apartment. Apparently, he'd been sitting outside my apartment all day to make sure I didn't go anywhere or see anyone else."

ambulance driving down a road with sirens on at night

"He had met my partner before, so he knew what he looked like. My partner was only over long enough to drop off some medicine and feed my dog. We didn't last long after that." —u/Zoo_In_The_Bathtub

Zoff-photo / Getty Images / iStockphoto

7."I used to date a guy who would make fun of me for having rolls on my stomach (thanks). One to two years after we broke up, we spoke because he still owed me $2,000 and kept making excuses as to why he couldn't pay it. He then asked me what I do for a living, and when I told him that I'd gotten a job at a gaming company, he dropped, 'You were just hired because you are a woman.'"

"I kindly told him to fuck off and that, in the end, I was selected out of hundreds of people, and it had nothing to do with my gender. Jealous and insecure men always find a way to invalidate your success." —u/Empressoftheforsaken

8."When I was a bartender, a forty-something-year-old gentleman and a lady had come in and sat at the bar. He ordered a gin martini and ordered for his companion as well. I made it and served it to him, but his face instantly dropped. He looked absolutely insulted. I confirmed that I got his order correct, and he assured me he ordered a martini. However, he was furious that I put it in a martini glass. I explained that it was a martini and the glass was literally designed for the drink he ordered, but he demanded to get a 'manly' glass."

gin martini in a martini glass with garnishes

"I made one in a rocks glass, and he was fine. I understand some people like stemless glasses or have issues with certain glassware. I have no problem accommodating, but I'll never forget this man having a full-on fit because his glass was emasculating him." —u/aimee-se

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9."My ex claimed he was deeply traumatized when he learned that his previous partner had a couple of one-night stands before dating him. He said he could never trust her again after she 'confessed' to this."

"I don't know if it's just insecurity or sexism, but it's probably a mix of both." —u/lucid-delight

10."He threw a tantrum when I started pondering going to grad school because he 'couldn't be with a woman with more education' than him. The amount of contempt I developed for him during that despicable display of insecurity cannot be described."

students in a college lecture

"But we're the weak ones, um, k." —u/Kemokiro

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11."My mom's ex-husband would get incredibly insecure about my deceased father. The fact that I had pictures of him up in my room would drive him crazy. He would often accuse her of 'not being over him' even though my father had been dead for nearly two decades. That then led to him being overly suspicious of her cheating. We eventually discovered that he had cameras in the house and that he had been secretly filming us. He didn't catch her doing anything (shocker), but he did manage to get some footage of me walking around my room naked."

"They ended up divorcing shortly after." —u/friendly_ficus

12."I was in the process of divorcing my husband, and he happened to be in the room when I got a phone call for a job offer. I told him the salary which wasn't glamorous but a good $12K–$17K more than he'd ever made and included plus Cadillac benefits — none of his jobs had ever carried benefits. He should have said, 'Congratulations!' But he actually said, 'Well, I'm gonna be making twice that much.' His shitty, commission-only job with no benefits was definitely not about to start paying double. However, he came to divorce court bragging that he made twice my salary, so the judge set his child support payments really high based on his fictitious, self-proclaimed earnings."

empty court room
Gorodenkoff / Getty Images / iStockphoto

13."My ex-boyfriend would refuse to take care of his own child when I was around because 'that's women's work' — especially if any of his buddies were around. He'd also treat me like a maid when his friends were around."

u/cleaning-meaning

14."My ex and I met at a summer job. He was in a transitional phase because he was leaving a college he couldn't afford. I never shamed him for dropping out — I was actually kind of jealous because I had a horrible time in college. However, he didn't get a job after. Instead, he sat around gaming and eating all day. Needless to say, he gained weight. He always blamed his weight and unemployment on his environment and lack of family support to go places, so I moved him to be with me. Rather than get a job and get active, he proceeded to break me down over several years — pushing me to eat more and dress in oversized clothes that hid my figure. I couldn't acknowledge that I made all the money, or it was a fight. I'd transfer what little money was left after bills to a joint account so he could swipe his own debit card when we went out."

blurry photo of a gym with equipment out of focus

"When a gym opened down the street, he got me to buy us memberships but I had to beg and drag him there, where I was not allowed to work out longer or harder than him. Ironically, the stress of the relationship had me losing weight towards the end. He would stand us next to each other in the mirror and tell me how I needed to do exercises to get my ass bigger and that my belly poked out. Meanwhile, his gigantic gut was just hanging out.

I didn't care that he had extra weight, I actually prefer guys who aren't super skinny. But in hindsight, he was convinced that anything that made me look good made him look bad. In the times when he actually had the means to change things, he never actually did it. Instead, he broke down my confidence until I felt like the smallest, ugliest person in the world.

I am so glad I left that relationship, I am now with someone who supports me and thinks I'm the greatest, most attractive person ever. He works toward his own self-improvement and celebrates all of my victories with me." —u/Purple__Unicorn

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15."When I broke up with my ex, he spent months trying to get me back — letters, flowers, a proposal, reaching out to my friends and family, to name just a few of his tactics. He was abusive and manipulative, so it took me just as long to put my foot down and tell him to fuck off for good. When it was finally clear that I wasn't going to come back to him, he flipped from 'I love you,' 'You're perfect,' and 'I would do anything for you' to 'I never loved you' in a heartbeat. It was the first time he ever was told 'no' and didn’t get his way, so he was wildly insecure and tried to control the situation."

u/petite-crevette

16."I met a guy at work who asked me out, and I suggested we go play pool. He asked me if I was any good, and I said I had good and bad days. He responded, 'Well if you beat me, we'll have to play something else so I can beat you.' I should have ended all communication at that point, but I did not. We met at a bar with pool tables. He scratched twice during the first two games and announced, 'Since you didn't technically beat me, I'm not losing.' Then, he looked at me and asked, 'Are you taller than me?' I said we looked like we were the same height, but that wasn't good enough so he asked a waitress."

woman's hand setting up a shot on a pool table

"She looked and me, and I said, 'I'm 5'6.' Then she looked at him, and he said, 'I'm 5'6.' Then she said, 'You're the same height...I'm 5'9.' I laughed. Why he was surprised I didn't want to go out again is beyond me." —u/The_Silk34

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17."I got yelled at because my friends and I used 'big words' (not English) at a party. He was drunk and worked himself into a rage fit over weird shit, and this was what surfaced. His lower level of education was never a problem for me, and I didn't know it was for him until then."

"So bizzare." —u/Allegutennamenweg

18."I was at an arts and crafts show, and I wanted a giant, decorative plank with Indiana Jones on it from Raiders of the Lost Ark. I thought it would look great in our playroom. My husband at the time immediately shut me down. He kept trying to point me toward other ones instead, with different nostalgic characters or scenes depicted on them. I calmly explained that I didn't actually need one, but I liked that one specifically because the Indiana Jones trilogy had always been one of my favorites, and my children liked it, too. After I walked around the fair for a couple of hours, I decided to buy it. He insisted on going to get it for me since it was heavy, so I handed him the forty bucks, and he came back with a plank depicting The Goonies. When I got upset and tried to exchange it, he berated me about having 'a picture of another fucking man on the wall of the kids' room!'"

Indiana Jones in Raiders From The Lost Ark

"Of course, the 'other man' was Harrison Ford in a fedora. He never backed down from that, and I ended up with a $40 decorative sign that I resented and wished I’d never spent money on.

That was years ago. I never even hung it up because I get annoyed every time I see it. I actually like The Goonies, it's just the principle of the matter." —u/_Kit_Tyler_

Sunset Boulevard / Corbis via Getty Images

19."I was dating a very nice boy who seemed not to have an opinion on anything. When I tried talking to him about it and how I didn't even feel like I knew him after a month of dating, he told me, 'Tell me what you want, and that's what I'll be.' I hope he's gotten therapy since then, truly."

u/chewedupshoes

20."I temporarily lived with some friends while I was at uni, and two guys lived there. We all got on very well and became fast friends. One night, while one of them was telling an emotional story from his childhood, I reached over and held his hand. I didn't know the other guy had a crush on me. In the middle of the night, when I woke up to get some water, he cornered me in the kitchen — red in the face and trembling with rage — and questioned me about my nonexistent 'feelings' toward the other housemate. He then asked me 'to think about what [I'd] done.'"

woman looks into fridge at night

"All because I held someone's hand, lol." bvladkin95

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21."I dated a guy for six years who was insecure about his package. He constantly accused me of cheating and said I was too loose, which meant I was cheating. He would stop mid-sex and ask me if he was enough or tell me that he didn't feel like he was enough. He also always accused me of not being honest about how many men I slept with before him. He even asked me to compare his size with my ex. It was a toxic mess. I couldn't even go to the grocery store without being accused of cheating."

u/Etherealmushroom11

22."I once had incredible pain in my right lung and went to the ER. I had to be hospitalized for a few days while they ran tests to sort out what was going on. My ex stayed with me the whole time and, to his credit, even slept on the chair in my room. He didn't leave my side. I appreciated it until he started going nuts from stress and sleep deprivation. He'd cuddle me in my hospital bed, but the nurses would routinely kick him out of the bed to take my blood or check my vitals at all odd hours. After a few days of this madness, I was assigned to a young doctor about our age. He came in to take some mucous samples and talk to me about what tests they were running. After he left, my ex was really jealous and said that the doctor wanted to fuck me. Apparently, by discussing my symptoms with a man holding a cup of my literal snot, I was flirting."

nurse rolling a patients bed down a hospital's halls

"I was just sitting there discussing the different symptoms I'd been experiencing in a hospital gown — I wore no makeup, felt ratchet, and, due to being hooked to an IV, hadn't had a proper shower in days. Meanwhile, this doctor was literally holding a cup of my snot. (Gross, I know). Initially, I attributed this to our combined stress and sleep deprivation, but once they released me from the hospital, I realized how ridiculous he really was. He stuck to his guns right up until the end. It was so ludicrous." —u/Away_Development6531

Phil Fisk / Getty Images/Image Source

23."'But if you keep your last name, my friends will think I'm whipped,' he whined, very masculinely."

u/Ms_Rarity

24."Reader's Digest had these monthly quizzes called, 'It Pays To Increase Your Word Power.' The quiz included twenty words with three or four multiple-choice options. I got one more word correct than my ex-fiance one month, and two more correct than him on another month. Both times, he berated me for beating him and gave these really dumb excuses for why I'd gotten a better score. One time, he refused to speak to me for the rest of the night. When I found myself deliberately getting one or two words wrong in order to preserve his fragile ego, I realized that wasn't healthy for either of us."

a cropped image of a Reader's Digest cover

"I broke up with him." —u/NotMyRealName814

Lewis Whyld - Pa Images / PA Images via Getty Images

25."My ex used to constantly complain that I'd only work jobs where I made more money than him. Apparently, it was emasculating to him because he was supposed to be the 'provider.' However, he didn't want to work any jobs that paid decently because they were 'boring' and not what he wanted to do. He tried several times to get me to quit my job — which I love and make good money at — and was super pissed when I got a pay raise to $19 per hour with a 30% commission."

"He was also really mean to me about the fact that I had had hookups, one-night stands, and had been in poly relationships prior to getting together with him. He shamed me relentlessly about it and would make comments like, 'Oh, I forgot, sex and relationships don't mean that much to you.'" —u/cherrytrashpanda

26."My ex — when I was a freshman in college — got mad at me at a barbecue. He looked very angry the whole time I was talking to people. I was later informed that I was too friendly and grinning in men's faces. He was literally screaming at me in the car, and he almost wrecked it. I was the host, by the way."

people grabbing plates of food at a barbecue
Hinterhaus Productions / Getty Images

27."He spent the night with someone else, then blamed it on me not being there at that moment. If I was there in person, he supposedly wouldn't have done anything. When he broke up with me, I began dating someone else. He then said I cheated because we were not broken up — just on a 'break' and that meant we were still together. For months after that, he harassed me daily because we worked together. I moved to get away from him. Years later, I saw him at a store. He started chasing me, so I ran."

"He now works with my mom. She seems to not remember him, and he claims he doesn't know me when she showed him a picture of me. Good times." —u/272027

28."I use men's cologne instead of perfume. I buy Paco Rabanne Phantom mainly because it comes in a robot-shaped bottle which was the main reason, and Chanel Bleu because it smells really good. I had a guy come over, and when he saw the cologne, he freaked out, telling me that I was cheating on him. I leave my cologne and perfume bottles out on a shelf, so my friends have given me some empty bottles that they're done with just for looks. I explained to him that I use them on myself or just like the bottles and that he'd actually complimented me on the Phantom cologne before. His response? 'That's so fucked up, you're trying to turn men gay.'"

perfume bottles on a shelf

"As if that’s even possible. But also, why can't a woman smell like 'lavender-lemon-vanilla' and 'citrus-spice-wood'?" —u/justasianenough

Kristina Strasunske / Getty Images

29."My ex idealized his mother and would constantly compare me to her. He was deeply insecure because my life didn't revolve exclusively around him as his mom's had revolved around being a wife and stay-at-home mom. The comparisons turned into arguments that I was 'ruining' the relationship because I was in school, working, and had friends and hobbies."

u/Sirventsalot

30."When I was in uni, I was dating this guy who'd already graduated and gotten a job. He broke up with me, and one reason that he gave me was that it made him feel bad when we'd both work from home — I'd be studying, and he'd be working — I'd get much more done than he did."

woman taking notes while studying

"I'm not entirely sure how that was supposed to be a serious enough character flaw on my part to warrant a dumping, but hey." —u/viitatiainen

Jag Images / Getty Images

31."My friend had posted a picture of me on her social media, and this was my fault because 'I did not tell her to remove it,' which meant that I 'clearly want attention from other guys.' I am not the jealous type, but he was. In an attempt to make me jealous, he'd flirt with other girls and even had another girl post him on her social media as her #mancrush to get a reaction from me. He also had his best friend text me to see if I was 'loyal' and criticized my (actually really modest) clothes because they 'show off my body.' He also used the line, 'Only you can help me change my insecurities,' one too many times."

"When we discussed marriage and future plans, he said that he didn't see why I should go out with friends alone when married and that I shouldn't work because other guys might come at me. He said that maybe I could work at an office where I'd be secluded and not really have to interact with anyone.

When I wanted to break up, he told me, 'If you break up with me, I'm going to become a terrible person.' He did, and, needless to say, he was toxic as fuck." —u/whateveritsmexx

So what do you think? Have you dated anyone with insecurities that ultimately ended the relationship? Let us know in the comments below!