"When Men Live With Me Their Lives Are So Much Easier" — This Woman Explained How Living With Men Is Never Beneficial To Her And The Conversation Is So Important
A woman named Ceci Bendita is making so many women feel seen when it comes to living with a man you are dating.
She caught the attention of over a million people online after sharing a conversation she had with an older woman who, according to Ceci, told her that all women have to be their man's mom when living with them — and that women should embrace it:
@ceci.bendita I’ve also talked to older women that told me to live alone for as long as I can #datingadvice #cohabitating #millenialsdating
♬ original sound - la niña
In the video, Ceci describes the conversation, saying, "Today a woman who was a lot older than me was talking to me about how beautiful it is to live in companionship with a man and how much she loves it — as if I had never lived with a man before. But I lived with two of my boyfriends, and I told her that both of the times that I lived with my boyfriends I became their mom, and that's just not a hot vibe. It really kills the love, the sex, the intimacy...that dynamic? No."
"Anyways, so I was asking her what would it look like if I were to live with a man where I wasn't picking up after him and I wasn't telling him what to do around the house and we could just be equals. And she was like, 'Well, no, that's just the way it is to live with a man.' And I was like, 'So, why would I do it again?'"
"Because I love to live alone and it would take a man who brings a lot to my life and makes my life easier for me to live with a man again. Because when men live with me, their lives are so much easier. I handle a lot of things for them. So, I would want a dude who handles things for me," she concluded in her TikTok.
To further prove her point, Ceci shared photos of what it was like living with a past boyfriend:
@ceci.bendita #duet with @totallyawkwardrandom01 this is so vile !!! #livingwithmenbelike #datingstraight
♬ Psycho Theme - Troops Of Tomorrow
Ceci's experience is sadly all too common — there are examples all over TikTok of how some men live and operate in dirty living environments, and oftentimes their partners are expected to either put up with it, be seen as 'nagging,' or clean it themselves.
The video opened up conversations about how twisted women's mindsets can be (and, unfortunately, still sometimes are) in terms of what a healthy relationship should look and feel like.
Pressure is constantly put on women, many times making them feel like their own wants and needs aren't important.
That's why having conversations like these are so important in order for things to change.
Women are starting to understand their worth and value.
And it's so helpful when older women may recognize how harmful this type of rhetoric may have been to them and speak out to help undo this reality.
BuzzFeed spoke to Ceci, who said she met the older woman she talked about in the video when she was out running errands. "She recognized I spoke Spanish and, due to our shared experience of being immigrant Latina women, she felt compelled to ask about my living situation. When I told her I lived alone, she seemed very concerned and began to tell me the benefits of living with a male partner."
"Living with men made me question why I thought cohabitating with a male partner was necessary to monogamy. I started asking hetero women of all ages what they would do differently, and many of them told me they regretted not having lived alone longer or even permanently. I genuinely thought that my experience was singular and stemmed from my family of origin. The comments on my video echo this sentiment," she said.
Making sure the daily aspects of your life are aligned before moving in together is something Ceci thinks all people should do before moving in together. "Cleaning habits and chores should be discussed, and maybe tasks can be divided among the two of you. Talk about how you spend your money, what financial goals you have, if you're going to split the cost of shared things — and anything else that you need to know regarding money. Check in regularly with each other and maybe set up a weekly or monthly time to chat about how living together feels. Definitely set up enough emotional support outside of your partner, also. When living together, it's very easy to become enmeshed in your partner's life because you're together so often and do not have enough time with friends and family (not to mention therapy!)."
Although Ceci is not currently looking for a relationship, she said she now pays attention to how men groom themselves and how they keep their living spaces. "I also ask questions about who is in their emotional support system and how strong it is, because that's another form of becoming your partner's mommy. If they don't talk intimately with their friends and/or family, then I will become their entire emotional support by default," she concluded.
