Every fall, as the Jewish High Holidays roll back around, I go to services as I have since I was a child. As an adult, I attend services because I feel it is important to attend. This year I will be attending with the idea of forgiveness on my mind. Forgiveness is the general theme of both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. But this year, forgiveness has been on my mind in a different form.
I’ve officially lived with depression since my late 20’s. One of my most noticeable symptoms is the constant fixation on failures, past mistakes and the idea that I am unworthy. These thoughts have been unwanted companions for far too long. As I get closer to 40, I am getting to the point in which I am seeking new ways to deal with the negative emotional energy that comes from depression holding me back.
I started a new job back in the summer. Like any new job there is a learning curve in which mistakes are bound to happen. Over the last few months, I’ve been learning to forgive myself for my mistakes. I’ve learned to as they say “live and learn.” This year during the Jewish High Holidays, as I pray to be written in the book of life for the coming year, I ask my heavenly parent to teach me how to forgive myself.
Forgiveness, as I have learned recently, may be one of the ways I unshackle myself partially from my depression. It will not be easy, but it is necessary if I am live life to the fullest.