There's nothing quite like a wedding. The romance! The passion! The...candy buffet? There's a bit of a cultural expectation that your wedding day is the most special and important of your life, and while that may be true for a lot of people, it puts a ton of pressure on everyone involved.
Between old-fashioned traditions and unwelcome modern trends, rambling toasts, and what can only be described as falling under the umbrella of "weird money stuff," there's plenty out there that wedding goers would be very, very happy to never witness again. So, there were plenty of responses when Redditor u/CheckMoney66 asked the r/AskWomen community, "What's something that people need to start/stop doing at weddings?" Here are 24 of their responses.
Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
1."People at weddings need to stop turning to the unmarried couples there and asking them, 'Are you guys next?' So rude. There are lots of reasons why people don't marry or wait a long time to get married, and their status is none of anyone's concern but their own."
2."Giant wedding cakes. They are unbelievably expensive and only a quarter ever gets eaten. We spent a fraction of the price and got a few dozen cupcakes. Different flavors, some gluten free, some allergen friendly, and got two huge things of ice cream to serve them with. We did, however, give our kid $100 and told him to go nuts at the candy store for the candy bar. It was his request for the wedding, and we had a lot of kids, so it was a hit."
3."Having a child-free wedding (which is totally fine), BUT then getting annoyed when a lot of people can't make it because they can't find childcare. You made your choice, so you should accept the consequences."
4."Taking pictures during the ceremony. They’ve probably got a photographer, and if you’re looking at your phone, you’re not looking at the ceremony. Also, I think it’s a little rude to post pics of the couple on social media within the first day or so of the wedding. It’s kind of like first baby pictures; let them roll out the first ones they want to be seen."
5."Expecting bridesmaids to pay thousands of dollars for a dress, shoes, jewelry, a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, etc. I’ve had to decline being in a wedding party because it would have cost about $3,000 between all of the above.
"I didn’t have any bridesmaids. I had close friends come get ready with me in the morning, and then, they sat down with everyone else during the ceremony, wearing whatever they wanted. We also skipped the first dances and party favors (I’m already paying for your dinner and drinks, you don’t need some cutesy shot glass with our names on it)."
6."Parents need to butt out. We weren’t allowed the date we wanted, and we weren’t allowed the venue we wanted. We weren’t even supposed to share the photos of us getting married on the date we wanted (because it meant that much to us) because the people coming to the big wedding would be offended. They didn’t even pay a freaking cent to our wedding, and they still took over like that. Butt the eff out. Let people enjoy the things they want and are paying for."
7."Having outdoor weddings! I've sweated my ass off in the blazing hot sun. I felt so sorry for the elderly grandparents who were miserable. I've frozen my ass off when they held the reception outside, despite the four inches of unplanned snow on the ground. The six propane heaters did not help. Then there's the hot, sweaty beach wedding where I could barely hear the vows because of the crashing waves. I've gotten rained on at the outdoor wedding in a bamboo forest. Have your wedding inside where you can control the temperature. Think about your guests' experience, please. All I remember about the weddings above was how miserable I, my guest, and the other guests were."
9."Useless extravagances at your reception. Forget about such things as butterfly or dove releases. These, and photo booths and candy buffets, aren't worth the extra money they cost.
"Also, we need to be respectful of our attendants' budgets. Bridesmaid's dresses can be reasonably priced. You don't need a group spa day, professional makeup and hair, or weekend getaways for bachelor and bachelorette parties. Weddings cost too much as is."
11."I hate the tradition of everyone clinking their glasses and making the newlyweds kiss. I found it cringe as fuck at my OWN wedding. People kept doing it at my friends' wedding during dinner and I'm just like, 'Let the poor brides eat their meal, they'll kiss plenty today!'"
13."Expecting that YOUR 'most important day of my life' is everyone's most important day of their life. For the rest of us, it's just a party. We don't care about your color scheme. Feed us and give us some drinks."
15."Stop wedding creep, aka making your wedding last for multiple months. You get one day for your wedding and to be the center of attention. The wedding industry is really pushing it. Or, maybe it's the 'wanting all eyes on me' mentality, I don't know. But when my most recent set of friends married, we had the engagement party, the wedding and bridal shower, a more risqué bridal shower, a bachelor's party, a bachelorette's party (and, of course, those are leaning toward weekend getaways, not a single evening), dress shopping, the day we all spent helping assemble wedding favors, the rehearsal dinner, then finally, the wedding itself. There's only, what, 52 weekends a year? And we had multiple friends getting married last year. I'm not spending a fifth of my Saturdays celebrating you, for fuck's sake."
16."A white wedding dress should not be the default. I rocked a beautiful black dress, and so many people told me they wished they had been 'brave enough' to ditch a tradition that held no meaning to them."
18."The expectation that the people getting married can’t see each other before the wedding that day. I feel like it’d be nice to spend the whole day with your partner, and getting ready together for your big day sounds very romantic to me."
19."Please, please, please, stop with the cringey, embarrassing, innuendo-laden best man speeches. Be clever, be smart, and be hilarious without relying on sex jokes all the time. We’ve heard them all!"
20."Having an all-day wedding but skimping on the food. I went to a wedding which started at 12 p.m. and finished at 11 p.m. The portions of the sit-down meal were tiny, and they didn't have evening food, only the cake. It was at a really upmarket venue, so they obviously tried to cut costs by reducing the food, but nobody was expecting that, and everyone was starving all day."
22."Stop forcing a bridesmaid's dress on people who clearly will be uncomfortable wearing it because it doesn't work with their body type. Pick a color, and let your bridesmaids buy their own dress that they feel comfortable in."
23."Might be an unpopular opinion, but destination weddings are the worst. You lose days of your leave or lose money from work. You spend hundreds if not thousands on flights and accommodation, and oh yeah, you’re still expected to bring a gift. It’s hands down the most selfish way to get married."
24.And finally: "Stressing over things. Just have fun, even with red wine splotches on your wedding dress. And whatever your mom, dad, grandma or auntie XY thinks should or should not be different: Fuck 'em. It's your day. If they want things differently, they can organize their own wedding."
What wedding traditions would you like to get rid of permanently? And which ones do you actually like? Whether you're married, engaged, single, or on the verge of a dramatic elopement, tell us your thoughts in the comments!