Pretty Little Liars premiered in June 2010, the exact month I graduated from high school. While the soapy, murder-y mystery was practically screaming for my exact demographic to tune in, I refused since I thought I was way too intelligent and cultured for an ABC Family teen drama. I was going to study French in college. I was going to be an international fashion writer. I was kind of the worst.
If you haven’t guessed by reading this, I’m now a TV writer whose stable of favorite shows includes
and PLL soul twin Riverdale in too-small henley shirts fighting monsters. Seven years later, I’ve recognized the error of my ways and decided to give Teen Wolf, which is about buff were-teens , season 7B. I tuned into Pretty Little Liars a chance in its goodbye tour the Freeform show’s premiere episode, “PlAytime,” and have so many things to say now.
For the three other people who, like me, have never watched
, the show follows the titular Liars — Spencer (Troian Bellisario), Hanna (Ashley Benson), Aria (Lucy Hale), Emily (Shay Mitchell), and Alison (Sasha Pieterse) — who are constantly being manipulated by Pretty Little Liars a shadowy individual known as “A.” The devious mastermind’s identity has changed over the years, but, no matter who “A” is, they’re super obsessed with our Liars.
Scroll through the gallery for my deeply confused minute-by-minute recap of a show that has already been through years of countless villains, outfit changes, and
time jumps while I was being a snob.
It's been about 3 seconds and I've already seen a guy get whacked in the head and another one toss his shirt off in the “Previously On
Murder And Love In Ravenswood ” segment. They are not playing around here.
Also, do these women take self-defense courses? Because there are people swinging axes around and no one is surprised.
LOL at the Liars questioning whether maybe Noel's death means A.D. is dead too. Sorry, ladies, I'm new to this game and I know you're all dead wrong. Not only is this obvious, but, y'all have
10 more episodes to fill. More
And right on cue: there's a giant, mysterious box in someone's living room. Told you, Liars.
P.S. There's a place in East Coast Murder Capital Of America, Ravenswood called "The Lost Woods" and people still live here?
They've opened the box and wow does A.D. have unlimited time and money to create cryptic games for the Liars. Someone watched
Saw too many times in middle school. More
Yes, I know Mona was "A" at one time. But, she's extremely likable and I would like to see her (Janel Parrish) on
any TGIT show of her choosing after this. They're all fellow Disney ABC properties, after all.
Make it happen, Shonda Rhimes!
Thank you random new cute brunette guy for subtly pointing out how unsettling it is that Aria is engaged to her high school teacher. You know, the one who
apparently secretly knew she was a high schooler when they first hooked up. Thank you, er, Holden (Shane Coffey) — I really hope you're not A.D. More
Everyone seems to think Spencer could be A.D., but she literally just received an "A" text. That would be
Fight Club extra of her if she ends up being A.D.
Also, who's paying this cell phone bill? That alone should be traceable to the point of revealing who this digital board game-making manic is.
It's completely possible A.D. is actually just a
PLL super fan who wanted to force Spencer and Toby back together. More
"Maybe this town has to disappear before we can leave." That's some
Buffy series finale level foreshadowing there, Toby.
Also, I'm happy to learn Toby was squinting because he needs glasses, not because he doesn't understand Spencer's
high-minded literary references. More
Wow, Spencer is a much heavier sleeper than I am. And I've never even been stalked by a cabal of mad cloaked conspirators. And I love sleep. Respect.
So, you're telling me the Liars' Lament game came complete with a knife sensor? It really does have all the bells and murder whistles.
I can only assume A.D. is
PBS's Charlie Rose, considering where they're holding Jenna (Tammin Sursok). More
Post-show PLL is getting to me. I don’t know what happened, but I definitely had bizarre dreams about this show last night. I am probably A.D. now. More Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here? R29 Binge Club: Famous In Love Sharpen Your Pencils: Kimmy Schmidt Is Going To College Lena Headey On The Key To Playing Cersei