(Graphic: Ryan McCullah)
“Betty" is a real-life flight attendant who has had enough.
You think you’ve got it bad when your inflight entertainment conks out, the Pixie-Stix addicted kid behind you mistakes the back of your chair for a vertical trampoline, and the plane runs out of “Good Morning Sunshine” cheese boxes? That’s child’s play. Welcome to Confessions of a Fed-Up Flight Attendant, a Yahoo Travel series where “Betty” describes the harrowing, real life situations she and her comrades in the sky face every day, 35,000 feet away from a foot massage and premium whiskey.
Wrap it Up
It isn’t the allure of the so-called “mile-high club” that makes the bathroom such a hot spot on the plane. We see SO much more going on back there.
I’m sure you’ve noticed the mighty suction toilets on the airplane. The loud noise scares children and sometimes sucks down some unexpected items.
One time, on an early morning flight, a woman spilled coffee on her silk wrap-around dress.
She went into the lavatory and took off the dress to rinse the stains in the sink. One of the straps was dangling precariously over the toilet seat. When she flushed the toilet the entire dress got sucked right in and flushed right down. She didn’t know what to do.
She just stayed in the bathroom mortified in her underwear. Near landing the flight attendant knocked on the door demanding she come out and take her seat. Sheepishly she said “I can’t come out I flushed my dress down the toilet!” They gave her two blankets and she exited the plane sporting an airplane blanket toga.
Suck it Up
One time, an older gentleman came to the back galley with a strange problem.
His dentures had come lose while he was using the toilet and disappeared before he could catch them.
Your dentures are here. (Photo: Thinkstock)
Here’s the kicker…they were really expensive and he wanted them back!
It was a lengthily and very unpleasant process but the ground service crew was able to retrieve them. By that point, they were a less than pretty shade of blue.
Tricks of the Trade
Air crews can have some fun with these mega flush toilets. One thing we love is the ”toilet paper trick.” That’s where you shove a wad of toilet paper in the toilet then slowly roll the rest of the roll out on the carpet the whole length of the airplane, hit the flush and it will go airborne like a wet noodle and disappear in a second down the toilet. You can have races down each aisle, we usually only partake in these high jinks when the passengers are not on board. Usually.
You See the Craziest Things
Many countries have toilets that are just a hole in the ground. Sometimes those same folks get on the airplane and don’t know how to lock the door, or what to make of our “English” toilets so they climb up and put their feet on the toilet seat and squat. Then, an unsuspecting passenger opens the door to see this spectacle. Sometimes we hit rough air and their precarious squatting position pitches them forward out the unlocked door and into the galley with their private bits on display. So if you ever see footprints on the airplane toilet there was probably a person from another country doing a toilet balance beam act before you!