The very best advice about childbirth: One man asked, and parents delivered
An expecting dad asked the internet a "big question" about childbirth — and parents shared their most honest answers.
"A big question for anyone who has given birth: What is one thing that your partner did, said or brought to the hospital that really helped you through your birth experience?" Dave Whiteside, a research consultant in Waterloo, Ontario, Canada, wrote in a Jan. 17 tweet. "Expecting dad hoping to support his wife in the best ways possible here ready to take notes."
Whiteside clarified that after asking his wife that same question, they turned to Twitter for more support.
"We have never been in this situation before and she has never given birth, so we’re taking shots in the dark at what would work best for her," he tweeted. "We don’t know what we don’t know. So why not stand on the shoulders of giants?”
Whiteside, whose baby is due March 27, tells TODAY.com that while he and his wife have read parenting books and blogs, they wanted real-life perspectives.
"I thought, rather than hearing from the dads who confidently assumed they nailed it, I wanted to hear from the moms who knew their partner nailed it," he says.
A big question for anyone who has given birth:
What is one thing that your partner did, said or brought to the hospital that really helped you through your birth experience? Expecting dad hoping to support his wife in the best ways possible here ready to take notes. 🗒️— Dave Whiteside (@dave__whiteside) January 17, 2023
Experienced moms — and dads — spoke up, suggesting that Whiteside keep necessities like food, water and a phone charger on hand. They shared other practical suggestions as well:
I made a labor playlist, for my various stages of labor. He took care of all of the music set up (speaker, charging, linking, etc). Also really good lotion (for me with minimal to no scent)
— Bethany Hedt-Gauthier, PhD (@BHedtGauthier) January 18, 2023
What’s her favorite meal? Have it planned out for after delivery.
— Timothy Ellender, MD, FCCM (@tjelle13) January 18, 2023
Chapstick!!! Phone charger. Snacks for after. And don’t tell her if she poops.
— Emily Porter, M.D. (@dremilyportermd) January 18, 2023
Several emphasized that Whiteside should stick by his wife's side for support and advocate for her.
He believed me (that something was wrong) when the nurses and doctors didn’t.
— Lauren Gambill, MD MPA (she/her) (@renkate) January 18, 2023
If she communicates that something isn’t working or needs to communicate anything really to the HCWs, amplify her voice with your own, with both kindness and advocacy.
— Tyler Olson (@olsonplanner) January 17, 2023
Be her advocate. The most frustrating part of all 3 of my births was that the medical professionals stopped treating me like a person -I was an object (my baby was the person) & I had no energy to advocate for myself. Speak for her. Represent her needs.
— Rebekah Sanderlin (@rsanderlin) January 18, 2023
Don’t ask questions or speak during a contraction unless it’s words of encouragement. Don’t take anything said during labour to heart lol. Be so incredibly patient. Advocate for her. If she can’t go with the baby if baby has to leave the room, you follow the baby!
— JeneanK (@JeneanKillgore) January 18, 2023
as somebody who has delivered two VERY BIG babies (10lbs13ozs and 10lbs2ozs) please make sure she understands there is nothing wrong with asking for an epidural!
— Darlene Stimson (she/her) (@BuxomDiva) January 17, 2023
16 years post partum rn and current Lactation consultant: don’t leave the room or go on your phone when the nurse comes in. Listen to what she’s teaching bc likely mom is so tired she won’t remember what we said. Video record the RN swaddling so you have a tutorial on your phone
— tammy encinas (@tammyencinas) January 17, 2023
Whiteside was advised to handle bathing, diapering and, if needed, feedings, to allow his wife to rest or bond with their baby. Someone also reminded him to get educated on car seat safety before the birth.
"That ride home is going to be the most anxious one of her life," someone tweeted. "Do what you can to feel confident in this one area."
Took over bath time from day 1. Became the expert. It gave me space to rest but it also became an important way for him to bond with our son. I think finding jobs you can do - like meals and clean up - is really important. But building your own unique bond is so important too.
— Jael Ealey Richardson (@JaelRichardson) January 18, 2023
I didn’t change a single diaper while we were in the hospital. He did all of them and then handed the baby to me to feed. (He also did almost all the overnight diaper changes while he was off so all I had to do was feed).
Bring her favorite snacks for afterward.— Diane, MS, BSN, RN, AE-C (@nurse_diane_d) January 18, 2023
Whiteside got credit for thinking ahead — "The fact that you’re asking is a good sign," someone tweeted — and urged him to keep the focus on his wife, especially during recovery.
Just be present. Stay off your phone/Twitter. Offer to get her snacks, drinks, etc. During my long inductions it was nice to just watch Netflix with my husband and feel like we were there together and not just ME getting induced.
— Jessica Reader, MD, MPH (@jreaderMD) January 17, 2023
Don't be surprised if everything you brought to help her is rejected in the moment. My dear hubby tried to help and say nice things, but in the heat of labor I just wanted everyone and everything to leave me tf alone!
— NewJerseyB (@NewJerseyB) January 18, 2023
Be a very good listener that day. Come prepared with everything just in case she wants something.
— Leslie (@Leslieks) January 18, 2023
Focus your attention on her after the birth. Tell her how amazing she is for doing it & ask how she is feeling. Not just in the minutes after, but for days & months after too. All attention, incl the mom’s, diverts to the babies once they are born. Moms are left to recover solo.
— Tatiana Prowell, MD (@tmprowell) January 18, 2023
Whiteside tells TODAY.com that his wife supported his Twitter query.
"We had two miscarriages in 2022 and I spoke very openly about our experiences on social media," he says. "Now I want to make sure I speak openly about our experiences with pregnancy too."
He adds, "My wife is more of an introvert, but together, we agree that it’s important people talk about these experiences to help others feel a little less alone."
The expecting dad learned a lot from his online survey.
"One big takeaway is how important it is for partners to advocate for moms," he says. "And there have been funny reminders of how different people are — some suggested that I write my wife a poem and while I love that this works for some couples, I’m pretty sure she would divorce me on the spot."
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This article was originally published on TODAY.com