Trinidad & Tobagao Has Confirmed They Have No Record of Nicki Minaj's Cousin's Friend's Swollen Balls

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Photo credit: Matt Winkelmeyer/MG18 - Getty Images
Photo credit: Matt Winkelmeyer/MG18 - Getty Images

Everybody, hands out of your pants. We have a topic of interest to discuss. The health minister of Trinidad & Tobago, Dr. Terrence Deyalsingh, has issued a statement saying that there is no reported case of swollen testicles in the country, nor has there been a case reported anywhere in the world. Why is this something worth reporting on? Because on Monday, Nicki Minaj went on a Twitter tirade about the Covid-19 vaccine and reasons that she is holding off on getting vaccinated. Let's recap.

I suppose the best place to start is the first tweet, sent about ten minutes before Met Gala attendees were supposed to arrive. Minaj confirmed that she would not be in attendance, adding that if she were going to get the vaccine, it would not be for the Met Gala.

No need to get into my thoughts on that because there are bigger fish to fry. Much bigger fish. A mere fifteen minutes later, she launched another tweet, offering an anecdote about her cousin's friend who lives in Trindad & Tobago. Allegedly, after receiving the vaccine, his testicles became swollen, leading to his impotence. His fiancée, in a particularly gruesome move, then left him.

Heaven have mercy.

The internet had a real treat on its hands, making fun of poor Nicki Minaj's cousin's friend and his large testicle. For the record, no instance of swole gonads have been reported in the United States, though allegations of "infertility" have become a common conspiracy theory surrounding the vaccines.

Anyway, back to the balls. Minaj made no more mention of them the rest of the night, outside of telling Meghan McCain to "eat shit" when she quoted the tweet. Instead, she opted to post a poll about which vaccine she should get (Pfizer won, if you're curious). People started questioning if Minaj should be using her platform to question vaccines or encourage research, but to me, we aren't spending enough time talking about these allegedly-vaccine stricken huevos.

The next day, she posted that her cousin was trying to get in touch with her.

On the third day, the Health Minister from Trinidad & Tobago rose, responding in an official statement.

One of the reasons we could not respond yesterday in real time to Ms. Minaj is that we have to check and make sure that what she was claiming was either true or false. We did—unfortunately, we spent so much time running down this false claim. It is, as far as we know at this point in time, there has been no such reported side effect or adverse effect. And what was sad about this is that it wasted our time yesterday, trying to track down. Because we take all these claims seriously.

Dr. Deyalsingh continues on for a few more seconds, but it's that one lineand what's sad about this is that it wasted our timethat really stings.

To conclude, a few lessons:

  • Let us only post first hand accounts that we know to be true.

  • Actually, just don't post at all.

  • Do you Covid-19 vaccine research and only seek out trusted, medically-based sources.

  • Marry someone who will stay with you, regardless how large or small your testicles are.

Pour one out for the Barbz.

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