Out-Of-Touch Families, Secret Unwritten Rules, And 25 More Things People Discovered When They Dated A Rich Person
It's always fascinating to get a peek into the way the wealthy live — it's like looking at another world. And people who get into relationships with the wealthy often end up learning a lot about what goes on behind the scenes.
BBC / Via giphy.com
Recently, u/zipzap21 asked poor people on Reddit who've dated rich people to share what they learned from the experience, and their replies were really eye-opening. Here's what they had to say:
1."My ex was having problems with roommates at university. Her parents bought a $300,000 condo for her to stay at while she finished her degree. They sold it for a profit immediately after. I can't imagine not only being able to solve my problems with money, let alone make more off of them. She also assumed her family was lower middle class because she didn't live in a mansion like her friends."
"She was very humble and was smart with her money, but it was very clear she could just call her parents if something didn't work out. Meanwhile, my parents were struggling to pay rent, meaning I was their fallback. Not the other way around."
2."They don't really have a concept of how rich they are. My ex-boyfriend was WEALTHY, but had a complex about how he was super poor. It was because all of his friends were also so wealthy, and he was maybe marginally less rich than some of them, so he considered himself on the lower end of the scale."
"They don't really have a point of reference for how poor some people are. When we were together I was living on a food budget of £50 [~$57] a month, and he absolutely could not wrap his head around how a person could spend that little."
3."Dated a man who didn't work and lived off of a trust fund. Oddly, since he could afford nearly anything, nothing had any value. He'd buy a $400 KitchenAid mixer and burn it up making Christmas candy the first week. If he decided to make more candy, he'd just go buy another $400 mixer. Nothing meant particularly ANYTHING to him."
4."If you have a lot of money, people give you so much free stuff all the time trying to earn your business or procure donations. Ironic that the people who can best afford to pay for the items get comped the most!"
5."How real the 'network' or 'bubble' of it is. It's like the other side of the 'it's expensive being poor' concept. It's this weird internal community of people with money, and thus power, who are willing to make things happen as long as you're 'in'. I mean, I would meet people at a fundraiser or something and five minutes later, they're happy to make a call that will get me a job at some huge firm."
"Or, like, my then-boyfriend would say let's go to this concert. Tickets are $180 but it's okay, a friend's parents have a box, so we'll just join them. Or even one time the dishwasher in our flat broke but we didn't have to pay a dime for repairs, because his friend from high school's parents own the building, so they fixed it for free as a favor."
6."I learned just how productive having money can be. Something needs to be fixed or replaced? We can afford to. Want to do something fun or adventurous? Sure let's do it now. Want to eat healthier? We can afford all the ingredients. Like, what do you mean your life isn't slowed down by a million different things that need fixing/upgrading/replacing/ saving for?"
7."My wife's family has no concept of what a work day is."
PBS
8."I've thought about this a lot as someone who grew up poor but has been in a number of relationships with women from the upper or upper middle class. I think what it boils down to is that they have a kind of certainty in the idea that things will work out for them that I don't. Growing up, it felt like we were always at the precipice of catastrophe. I always felt that one wrong move would result in us losing our house or all of our money. As such, I took immaculate care of things that I bought knowing that I could not replace any of them if they were gone. The women I've been in relationships with, though, seem to have none of this fear."
"They always assume that things will work out. Plans don't need to be made because there's always some way to solve a problem with money. Objects don't get much respect because they're always readily replaceable."
9."I only went on one date with him. He booked out the entire bowling alley so we'd have privacy for our date. It just seemed so shockingly wasteful to me, and it was bizarre to have a 20-lane bowling alley just for the two of us, plus a fair-sized staff who were left with nothing to do but look after us. I learned I'm very uncomfortable with that level of casual assumption that the world will rearrange itself to suit my whims. Also, he had absolutely no respect for personal space. I don't think he was used to women not liking to be touched by folks they barely knew."
10."Dated a girl for three years who came from old money. She was fine, but her family was beyond out of touch with the real world. They were nice people but incredibly removed from the rest of the world. They looked at me like I was a zoo animal in the sense that they were so curious about my life/family. They'd ask me what it was like going to public school. How my parents immigrated. They were baffled that not everyone had vacation homes or traveled a lot."
"The most interesting thing is that old money is much more powerful than new money. They belonged to these 'clubs' that consisted of other rich families and the influence they had was mind-blowing. Want to build a factory in an area not zoned for it? Within a week that was changed."
11."He didn’t have any concept of saving money, it was always just there because his money was always earning money. Having money was an income stream in itself. Also, he had no concept of how much anything cost. I was going to get some groceries for dinner and he gave me $300 to pick up some basics."
12."My ex-wife had a grandfather that was a multi-millionaire. Christmas time at their house was like being in another world. All of the different family members would try to get a moment with the king and kiss ass as much as possible. I spent my time down on the ground playing with my kids and was happy to get out of there. About a week or two after the second Christmas I got a phone call from Grandpa."
"He wanted to know what he could do for my family. I told him I didn't want any of his money but I would like my kids to know their great-grandfather. Later that year, he showed up at our place unexpectedly and spent most of the afternoon telling stories with me about his youth.
He set up a trust fund for each one of my kids to have their college paid for a little bit after that. He told me out of all of his in-laws I was the only one that never asked him for anything but to be himself."
13."I grew up poor and at 18 I dated a super-rich guy. First thing I noticed was the food. Not just quantities but I also discovered so much food (like oysters, fresh fish, olives) things my parents could never buy. I also had to learn etiquette. My parents brought me up well, I read books all the time, was a decent student and well-behaved kid, but the way his family interacted was SO different. I had to learn a lot of unwritten rules that I wasn’t aware of."
"I think in the end what I actually learned was that even though my childhood was rough (the amount of stress of not having enough money has probably impacted me for life), I valued my parents so much more. Once I had seen what life was like for rich people, I was just so proud of my family for making it work with so much less."
14."That we're hardly even playing the same game, never mind by the same rules. I dated a girl from old money, generational inherited wealth. Grandpa's money, some corporate bigwig banker or something to that effect. I don't think her father ever worked a day in his life, and her mother clearly came from money as well. Outside of her, I found every one of her family members out of touch and completely unrelatable. I got really good at biting my tongue when my ex's siblings would complain about not getting a new car for their birthday when last year's model is sitting in the driveway."
"They had no concept of the value of money and never had to do anything for themselves to get what they wanted. I wasn't exactly poor growing up, but for the most part if it wasn't strictly necessary for survival I didn't have it.
It was really eye-opening how everything was taken for granted. Those specific people would be helpless in the real world if they lost all their dough."
15."I'm a guy who has dated women considerably wealthier than myself. My experience is that money becomes a factor sooner or later, no matter how closely you've connected on every other level. Even when the lady in question seems cool with it, there can be arch looks and withering comments from friends and family in social settings — about what you've just ordered for dinner, or what your holiday plans are. In those relationships, I've ended up being made to feel like a 'bottleneck.' I'm either the person who the woman spends money on more than vice versa, or the person whose income puts more restraint on evenly-shared expenditure than would otherwise be the case."
"In either scenario, there's pressure, and even if the woman seems fine with it, there are people around her who no doubt would claim they're 'just looking out for her' who will cheerfully flag every instance where the difference in income is apparent. Money doesn't have to warp people, but it seems it often does, whether it's actually their own money or not."
16."I dated two dudes with trust funds. I learned no amount of money can make you forget your mommy/daddy issues."
17."I spent the first eight years of my adult life with a woman whose parents had money. She had no concept of how hard life could be if you couldn’t just sell stocks to buy a new car, or have someone give you a couple thousand to put you up in a new place. She pocketed her paycheck every two weeks. When we went out, I paid for gas. I bought dinner. Didn’t think much about it at the time because we were engaged. When we broke up, she had $30K in her savings account and I was broke."
"Growing up with money is like hitting every green light and not having to worry about traffic jams. And it really fucks with your ability to empathize with people."
18."Dated this wealthy girl who instantly had an anxiety attack when I told her I was thinking about buying my own car. She believed I'd break up with her because I won't need her car anymore. Make your own conclusions."
19."I grew up dirt poor and I guess got to a point where I couldn’t dream big. My family is still poor. I dated a guy who not only was a trust fund baby but also had a job as chief engineer and was making over $250K a year from that job. He didn’t need the money. I was making $70K. He’d organize spontaneous holidays overseas and fun weekend activities that cost money. Told me to leave my card at home. Then in the short time we dated, he coached me on how to get a better-paying job. Helped me learn and understand my worth and the value of my education and experience."
FX / Via giphy.com
"While dating him I quit my $70K job and landed a $100K one, then broke into the $200K a few years later.
Now I have money and can take my parents and siblings on holiday as well as put my siblings through university and help them out."
20."His parents had money, not him, because we were teens at the time. Even though his dad tried getting him to work to earn his money and not just give handouts it was still a very different mindset. He wanted a luxury lifestyle but wouldn’t go to work more than a couple days a week, dropped out of college with less than a semester, and just couldn’t stick to things if it was too long delayed gratification. Meanwhile, I was working two jobs and had a full course load. My parents helped and I lived with them, but we still scraped by and I had to pay for my own things. I learned I was satisfied with a lot ‘less’ material things, I was better ready to be on my own than he was, and I had a higher work ethic and more realistic view of the world."
21."My ex’s family wasn’t super rich, but they were much richer than my family. Their kids (including my ex) expected things to be handed to them. I learned that it was a good thing my parents didn’t (couldn’t) give me everything I wanted. For example, my ex was upset that his parents bought his sister a nicer car than him. They are all full-grown adults."
"His mom was very confused about why my parents couldn’t just pay to put me through college. They made me feel bad about it, as if my parents didn’t love me because they couldn’t pay for it.
A major reason our relationship ended was that he expected everything to be done for him. He has no real sense of responsibility."
22."I've only ever dated one guy who had lots of money. He was very, very sensitive about who paid for what. He was quite concerned about potentially being taken advantage of, so we ended up mostly splitting everything 50/50. We missed out on doing some fun stuff he wanted to do (shows, trips, etc.) because I couldn’t afford half. He seemed mildly resentful of my not making enough money to match him on these things. It was distracting and depressing and I got tired of feeling like I had to troubleshoot his insecurities. Relationship didn’t last long."
23."How much their rich parents resent/think you're not worthy of their precious angel. Overheard my ex's mum telling her that she wouldn't be happy with me and that I wouldn't be able to provide the kind of lifestyle that she wants (my ex was into horses that cost upwards of $100K). My ex sort of fought in my corner, to which her mum replied, 'You need to marry someone rich.'"
"When my ex asked what if she doesn't find someone rich that she loves/is attracted to, her mum told her that she can always have a fuck buddy on the side.
Suffice to say that that relationship didn't last. She's now married to a millionaire that cheats on her constantly. Their marriage is a toxic shitshow. You reap what you sow I guess."
24."They live in a mindset that someone else will take care of it. My ex's family had money. He did not. I told him that one month there was no money for food in my budget and he'd have to hand some over for it. He told me he had none and I'd have to fix the problem. Then he went on to describe to me in detail a toy that he was saving money for. He had $200 set aside to buy this toy that wasn't going to launch for more than three months. But he wouldn't touch it for food."
"I literally could not get it through to his head that there was no money for food, and no food NOW. It did not compute at all. Had him take me to local food banks. He did not come in.
He went shopping while I was filling out paperwork for food. I came out of the food bank to find he'd dropped $80 on a book. 'That money was from what I had set aside to buy new books.'"
25."I dated a guy for four years that had a wildly wealthy father. Private jets, extremely expensive cars, giant homes, paid for his children’s veneers/plastic surgeries, employed them all, etc. They were the most miserable, unhappy people I’ve ever had the displeasure of being around. It completely changed my view of the very rich and the facade they put on. Not a single interaction with his family was without a fight, argument, screaming match, and jabs/cruelty towards one another and myself."
CBC / Via giphy.com
"I was so uncomfortable around them and my ex was so obsessed with pleasing his father that I had to end the relationship. The money was nice but I would absolutely never, ever willingly associate with any of them again. They were terrible people. Very unhappy."
26."Money has no meaning and so therefore your money has no value either. He drove a Porsche and on one date he forgot his wallet. I don’t mind paying my share, but I had to fill up his car and then pay for an expensive dinner and for cinema and snacks, etc. He was clueless that the one date stuffed my finances for a month. I was barely out of university and barely scrimping by."
27."The power dynamic was out of this world. That was my experience, and what I watched all around me with the other wives/girlfriends at the club. I will say, even though there was an 'off' power dynamic, some couples handled it better, but my partner would guilt trip me if I didn't show him I was grateful enough for something I didn't want or enjoy in the first place."
"He would pay people do things that he should have done, like pick me up from the hospital. They thought the driver was my husband. I was so devastated and embarrassed when I woke up.
My family and friends were slowly cut off because the things we would do or the places we would go were places they couldn't afford. But I never felt comfortable with his friends who all came from money or were successful."
