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An American bride-to-be has gone viral on TikTok after sharing a PSA for anyone putting together a bridal party.
Lisa Torres has eared more than 4 million views for a recent TikTok video that addressed the expenses that often come with being a bridesmaid. Torres wrote each of her bridesmaids a letter outlining her expectations and a breakdown of potential costs and time commitments as a way to alleviate pressure on her bridal party and ultimately, preserve relationships.
"I am going to share a tip that I used to be more transparent to my bridal party," Torres began, explaining that in her experience as a bridesmaid, the inherent costs and commitments can be overwhelming at times. "Before I got engaged, I was a bridesmaid before, and I wasn't fully aware of all the costs and expectations associated with being a bridesmaid."
Although Torres said she was initially "insecure" giving each of her bridesmaids the letter, she felt as though it was the best decision for all parties involved.
"I just put it in this cute little envelope and included it as part of the bridesmaid proposal box," she added, holding up the aforementioned double sided letter. "In the letter, I outlined time commitments. I told them if they lived over an hour away, they didn't have to worry about making it to the bridal shower, or to go wedding dress shopping with me."
Torres went on to explain that she was completely upfront with her bridesmaids about the expenses they should prepare for.
"I also specified money commitments," she said. "I told them I would pay for their hair and makeup, but that they would be responsible for for the cost of the bridesmaid dress — although, they had freedom as to what style they wanted. I just wanted a specific colour."
She added that "most importantly," her bridesmaids can reserve the right to decline the proposal without any hard feelings.
"One of them said no. It's fine. We're still good friends," she concluded.
Torres's video quickly went viral and received support and praise from those who found her message relatable and forward-thinking.
"That's a mature way of handling it," one person commented.
"I love how considerate you were to your friends even though it's your special event," someone else added. "Not everyone thinks of others."
"Yes, yes, yes! Normalize saying no and also not attending things that aren't feasible to attend," another person wrote.
"This is very, very considerate," one person commented. "I would love you as a friend!"
Some users pointed out that in certain parts of the world, wedding parties aren't expected to pay for anything.
“I find it strange that bridesmaids are expected to pay for their dress in the U.S.,” one person wrote. “All costs are covered in U.K. weddings as part of the wedding budget."
"It's so different here in the U.K.," another echoed. "We pay for everything for our bridesmaids and groomsmen."
Others were quick to share bridesmaids horror stories that eventually put an end to friendships.
“The wedding culture in this country has gotten so toxic. I had a roommate who was a bridesmaid that was put under so much financial pressure that she literally got a stomach ulcer, was hospitalized and couldn’t make it to the wedding,” another said. “Then the bride was never friends with her again.”