9 Bizarre Wedding Gifts You Can Buy on Etsy
A friend of mine who’s getting married this May was given some sage advice by a wedding planner: “Don’t go on Pinterest, don’t go on Etsy.” And there’s some sense in that — despite both sites’ branding as wonderlands of wedding-day inspiration, in reality what many hopeful brides find there is more like pure despair.
A quick search for “wedding” on Etsy uncovers a world that’s less handmade-charm, and more craft-store chintz: Curlicue-script cocktail napkins. Dynasty-worthy ostrich-feather centerpieces. Mason jar-themed everything. Finding the gems among all the faux-rustic décor is as difficult as, well, finding a marriage-worthy guy in New York City. To prove it, take a look at the weirdest wedding crap we found on Etsy. Consider it your what-not-to-buy guide. Or, go ahead and buy, if your groomsmen all use beard balm, and your wedding band includes a washboard player in a vest.
Photo: Etsy/GiftedThimble
Apparently, wedding-themed decals to stick to the bottom of your shoes are a big thing, because these are all over Etsy. Nothing says true love like stomping all over someone.
Photo: Etsy/TheeQueenOfBling
Also big in the Etsy wedding world: hand-bedazzled shoes. These pearl-encrusted Chucks sport a plate that says “BRIDE,” and they’re triggering our trypophobia (do yourself a favor and don’t Google it).
Photo: Etsy/GroomsmenGiftShoppe
Groomsmen gifts are always a challenge – how about gifting them with a combination corkscrew/whittler/violent instrument of death? Sidebar: we would thrill to see the wedding where “Rob-Bob” is a groomsman.
Photo: Etsy/weddingfeather
Fake white ostrich feather centerpieces only belong at the wedding of Vegas showgirls, circa-1978 Liz Taylor, or successful coke dealers.
Photo: Etsy/PrettyParis
In some situations, a “Me too” is as good as a “no.”
Photo: Etsy/ArtIllusions
Who is this supposed to be from? Who is it supposed to be to? Why do I suddenly need to take five Silkwood showers?
Photo: Etsy/SunnyNotes
Ever notice how much wedding stuff actually deeply trivializes the concept of romantic love and marriage? Note to self: Pitch thinkpiece to Salon.
Photo: Etsy/GNARLYGRAIL
As seen on the sad, hollow-eyed woman who corners you at the party to describe her wedding diet in detail while you stuff your face with smoked gouda.
Photo: Etsy/RusticBeachChic
When you can’t afford a Kim Kardashian-style Givenchy wedding dress — but your candles can!
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