By Matt Meltzer
(Photo: WIKIMEDIA COMMONS)
Since the chances of keeping your New Year’s resolution to “work out” are about as good as last year’s effort to “stop drinking”, best make a resolution this go-around that you actually WANT to keep. Like “travel more”, or “be more adventurous”, or “hit the most awesome event in every state”, if you want to be weirdly specific.
And if you do (and, of course, you do), you’ll need to know what the best, coolest, most popular event in each state actually is. Which is why we’ve compiled this list. Good luck.
Alabama: The Iron Bowl
November 28: Auburn, AL
If you enjoy watching grown men cry because a teenager they’ve never met drops a ball, this annual matchup between the state’s two biggest college football programs — Auburn and the University of Alabama — is your move. It’s one of the most intense college rivalry games in America. Just don’t wear the wrong team’s colors or you may not make it out alive.
March 7-22: Anchorage to Nome, AK
Just watching this 1,000mi sled-dog race through the Alaskan wilderness on TV will have you shivering in your flannel pajamas. It’s cold. But that doesn’t stop over 60 teams from racing their Siberian huskies to Nome every year, recreating a supply route that once brought reinforcements to gold miners.
Arizona: Prescott Frontier Days Rodeo
(Photo: PRESCOTT FRONTIER DAYS)
June 28 - July 5: Prescott, AZ
Kinda of like Hannukah for cowboys, what was once supposed to last only a day has stretched into an eight-day festival of bull-riding and cowboy competitions. Considered the oldest rodeo in the world (est. 1888), it now even features a dance and parade.
Arkansas: Arkansas State Fair
(Photo: ARKANSAS STATE FAIR)
October 9-18: Little Rock, AR
While you might be tempted to hit the state’s Scottish festival or world championship cardboard boat races, the single biggest draw in Arkansas is actually the annual state fair; it attracts over 400,000 people to Little Rock for 10 days of seriously deep-fried southern food, carnival rides, country music, and popular livestock competitions.
California: Opening Day at Del Mar
July 16: Del Mar, CA
Sure, MAYBE 10% of the people partying on the infield could explain to you what a trifecta box is. Or even that there’re horses nearby. But that’s not why you go to Del Mar. You go because it’s like attending the Kentucky Derby — gorgeous people, gorgeous weather, cocktails! — every weekend.
Colorado: Great American Beer Festival
(Photo: GREAT AMERICAN BEER FESTIVAL)
September 24-26: Denver, CO
This is like those little 250-brewer weekend festivals where you stroll around and sip beer until you can’t taste it anymore, but on really, really good B12 injections. Here, attendees dress in zany costumes and sample pretty much every beer you’ve ever heard of (and even more that you haven’t).
Connecticut: Milford Oyster Festival
(Photo: MILFORD OYSTER FESTVIAL)
August 15: Milford, CT
If the best song about Connecticut is correct, and the state really is for f***ing, then this is definitely THE go-to event of the year. At this annual all-day bivalve extravaganza, Connecticutters (best name ever, btw) can rev up to do what they do best while enjoying libations and live music. And speaking of tunes, last year’s event was headlined by none other than Bret Michaels. Oh yea.
Delaware: Punkin Chunkin
November 6-8: Dover, DE
What started as a typical two-beers-deep argument about who could throw a pumpkin farther has grown into the most celebrated annual event in Delaware. Teams compete in a number of divisions (catapult, human power, air cannon) and recent winners have come close to chucking a pumpkin almost an entire mile.
Florida: Fantasy Fest
(Photo: FLICKR ANOLDENT)
October 23 - November 1: Key West, FL
Key West takes the “it doesn’t count if you do it on Halloween so do whatever the hell you want” attitude to a level that only an island at the end of a state shaped like a penis can. So yes, Fantasy Fest can get a little weird, as attendees dress in elaborate Mardi Gras-esque costumes, or costumes made entirely of paint, or well, costumes made out of nothing at all.
Georgia: The Masters
April 9-12: Augusta, GA
They don’t call it “a tradition unlike any other” for nothing. The biggest crown in golf is actually a green jacket, and it’s awarded to the winner of this four-day tournament held every year at the Augusta National Golf Club.
Hawaii: Ironman World Championships
(Photo: FLICKR CHRISTIANREED)
October 10: Kona, HI
While triathlons have become the midlife crisis sport of choice for many Americans, the original and greatest race of them all takes place on the Big Island in October. Competitors swim 2.4mi through the cool Pacific, bike 112mi through the heat, hills, and wind on the King Kamehameha Highway, and then run a 26.2mi marathon alongside scorching lava fields. And they do it all without sending their friends a million of those annoying “Will you please sponsor me?” emails.
Idaho: Lionel Hampton Jazz Festival
(Photo: LIONEL HAMPTON JAZZ FESTIVAL)
February 25-28: Moscow, ID
When you think of great jazz fests around the world, obviously you think of names like North Sea, Montreux, and… Idaho? Yep. Every year, jazz great Lionel Hampton somehow convinces the greatest names in the biz to descend on the University of Idaho for a long weekend of clinics and concerts; showing everyone what the Kibbie Dome lacks in football atmosphere, it makes up for in jazz acoustics. Ok, no it doesn’t, but it’s still a way to hear the best jazz artists in the world without having to fly to Rotterdam.
Illinois: St. Patrick’s Day
(Photo: WIKIMEDIA COMMONS)
March 17: Chicago, IL
It’s cute how every bar that has access to food coloring pours green beer on St. Patrick’s Day. But you know what wins St. Paddy’s Day? Turning an ENTIRE RIVER green, which Chicago does for their annual St. Patrick’s celebration. There’s also an awesome parade where the entire city comes out and drinks like, well, Chicagoans.
Indiana: Indy 500
(Photo: FLICKR PAT_OSSA)
May 24: Indianapolis, IN
While auto racing that doesn’t involve stock cars and Winnebago campgrounds has fallen off the American sports radar, the Indy 500 is still the most famous car race in the nation. Hard to argue that it’s not the state’s top event of the year.
Iowa: Iowa State Fair
(Photo: WIKIMEDIA COMMONS)
August 13-23: Iowa City, IA
Since Shoeless Joe Jackson won’t be leading a team of dead baseball players out of a cornfield anytime soon, the best annual event in Iowa is the state fair. Not only do big name country acts headline nightly concerts, but there’s all the food, games, and 4H club excitement that comes with a Midwestern expo.
Dates TBD: Wamego, KS
While the Old West charm of the state’s Dodge City-days is cool, aside from a great college basketball arena, what does America really know about Kansas? That tornadoes there can take you to a magical land of flying monkeys and munchkins, of course. Which is exactly what’s celebrated every year when the main intersection of Wamego is turned into the Road to Oz, complete with costume contests, film memorabilia, and appearances from the aforementioned munchkins. OK, so maybe a Jayhawks - K State basketball game would be more fun. Just a thought.
Kentucky: Knob Creek Machine Gun Shoot
(Photo: KNOB CREEK GUN RANGE)
April 10-12: West Point, KY
Yes, we’re aware there is some sort of horse race that happens in this state too. But they have horse races in a lot of places. They DON’T, however, have organized three-day events where hundreds of Americans bring out guns that have no practical purpose other than to blow stuff up and, well, blow stuff up. The highlight is the Saturday night shoot where the West Point sky is lit up with tracer rounds in a spectacular display of light and gunpowder that’s both simultaneously beautiful, and horrific.
Louisiana: Mardi Gras
(Photo: WIKIMEDIA COMMONS)
February 17: New Orleans, LA
Come on, what else are you going to do in Louisiana if your team isn’t playing in the Sugar Bowl. This might be the only time of the year when a few strings of cheap plastic beads will get you a better show than a bankroll of singles. God bless an event where the streets are filled with people ready to party, and the currency for stupid human tricks costs $2.99 at Walgreens.
Maine: Maine Lobster Festival
(Photo: MAINE LOBSTER FESTIVAL)
July 29 - August 2: Rockland, ME
Check this: 20,000 pounds of lobster are served up at the MLF, which also features a parade, an international crate race, cooking contests, and, of course, the crowning of the coveted “sea goddess.”
Maryland: The Preakness
(Photo: WIKIMEDIA COMMONS)
May 16: Baltimore, MD
Nobody bothered telling the people partying at Pimlico that fewer than half the horses who run the Kentucky Derby run this second leg of the Triple Crown. Because, really, The Preakness is as much about a horse race as MTV is about music. Sure, the day-long booze fest culminates with the running of the second biggest race in the sport, but the antics on the infield are way more entertaining than the two minutes on the track.
Massachusetts: Patriots Day
April 20: Boston, MA
Boston might be the only city in the US with a civic holiday that involves something other than a lightly attended parade. Instead, they combine a Red Sox morning game with a marathon that EVERYBODY goes to. Originally observed on April 19 to commemorate the battles of Lexington and Concord, it was moved to the third Monday in April so, you know, everyone could have a three-day weekend.
Michigan: Mackinac Races
(Photo: FLICK PCURTNER)
July 11 (Lake Michigan, MI) & July 18 (Lake Huron, MI)
Sure, both consist of rich dudes and their buddies sailing from either Chicago or Port Huron to one of the biggest tourist destinations in the state, but attending the launch parties and the finish-line bashes begets some of the craziest times you can have on an isolated island populated with horses. The sight of hundreds of boats cruising the gorgeous waters of Lakes Michigan and Huron is awe-inspiring, but the eventual sh*t show that goes down when the boats hit the island makes attending at least one race in your life essential, especially if you get on a boat. Bonus points: There are no cars in Mackinac. But watch out for bikes.
Minnesota: Minnesota State Fair
(Photo: DREW WOOD)
August 27 - September 7: St. Paul, MN
Deep-fried olives? Deep-fried monte cristo on a stick? Deep-fried meatloaf with a donut-garnished beer? Are your arteries clogged yet? If not, check out all the fried goodness you’ll find at the Minnesota State Fair here. Or, you know, by actually going. Just remember to pack your Lipitor.
Mississippi: Tupelo Elvis Festival
(Photo: TUPELO ELVIS FESTIVAL)
June 4-7: Tupelo, MS
Though you could make a pretty good argument that the Minnesota State Fair was ALSO designed to celebrate Elvis, nobody does it more explicitly than this annual festival in the King’s hometown. Celebrating all things-Presley, the fest culminates in an Elvis Tribute Artist competition, an official preliminary to the UETA finals. Because, yes, that’s a thing.
Missouri: American Royal World Series of BBQ
October 2-5: Kansas City, MO
Boy, you win one American League pennant and all of a sudden they’re naming all kinds of world series after you. Or maybe they’ve been doing this since 1899. Either way, the top chefs from around the country descend on KC to see who’s got the best smoked meat, which you can chow down on while watching live cooking demos and rocking out to nightly concerts.