By Jessica Ashley, GalTime.com Senior Editor
With the announcement that a Royal Baby is on the way to Prince William and wife Kate Middleton, surely the castle gates will soon be lined with gifts bestowed upon the heir-to-be. That is, if the Prince of Wales, the Duchess of Cornwall, the Queen and Uncle Harry are anything like the scads of families who can't help but fill a stocking for a fetus.
So maybe the royals aren't like every other family. Perhaps they hold tight to superstitions or faith-based traditions like some of the grandparents and parents-to-be I've known over the years, not wanting to bring any gifts or gear into the home until the baby has safely been born. Or perhaps, they are like my family, who would stack presents under the tree and fill a stocking marked "Zygote" if the opportunity presented itself.
Or maybe the Royal Highnesses The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge will walk the safe and sweet middle ground this season as their families gather 'round to snack on crumpets and chestnuts (can you eat those while you are in your early trimesters?) while having a few proper turns at Ye Olde White Elephant gift exchange (I bet the queen is one hilarious present prankster). Someone will offer up a baptismal smock that's been carried down for fourteen generations, and another will wrap up an itty bitty Harry Winston crown. Jovial Uncle Harry will drive in a small motorized Cinderella carriage and every one will laugh or tut-tut with good humor.
But I would love it if the scene truly included boxes of crazy cartoony bibs from every holiday, Costco-sized boxes of diapers just to scare the fascinator off the mama to be and a ginormous gift bag that's already half-ripped from the weight of too many ducky-printed jammies in size 0-3 months the child will never wear more than once.
I'd be thrilled to read in People mag that the couple's Babies R Us registry is full of Dr. Brown's nipples, My Breast Friend accessories and plastic key rings had already been fulfilled, boxed, wrapped and stashed under the evergreen boughs before the second ultrasound.
Even better? Rows of organic bamboo onesies monogrammed "HRH" that will patiently wait months and months to be covered in formula-scented puke and poopsplosions.
All of that would be a gift to me -- and surely millions of other consumer-driven, credit-strapped, Brit-crazy, watching Americans -- this holiday season. Don't you think the very least this fetus could do for its first public act of compassion is indulge us all with the opportunity to shower the banana-sized babe with pre-birth holiday gifts? We can only hope.
If this child was being born into your less-than-royal family sometime next year, would there be gifts tagged for him/her under your household tree this season?
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