Earlier this week, we took a trip back in time to "Before I was a Mother, I was a Daughter." We talked about foundations, and how those moments of childhood and the struggles that followed, were the moments that set me up for success in my greatest role now, a mother to my twins.
We all have these moments, whether they are related to motherhood, or our roles as daughters, sisters, mothers, fathers, sons, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, employees, colleagues, bosses, teachers, therapists, house managers, financial controllers, pet owners, whatever. These moments, and the choices we make in these moments, give us the opportunity to be our best in the next moment.
People often ask me, how I do all that I do. While I do think it is a lot, I also think it is probably not too much, if any more, than what so many other people and mothers do each day. My circumstances and execution are different, but many of us are so busy there is just no way to understand or comprehend how we actually get it all done.
Today, as I was l out shopping for cape, I realized there just weren't any in my size. Part of the problem is that capes are for superheroes, which are fictional, and little ones dressing up as their favorite superheroes which are also fictional (I was not actually shopping for a cape, but you get the idea.).
Often, all of us with all of the various hats we wear, and things we juggle, we try to be superheroes in our own lives and in those of the ones we love. We push and push, try and try, extend and extend. We live according to would, should could, do better, push harder. We feel guilty when we can can't or don't do what we believe is enough.
I walk and live in the paradigm everyday. Even as I type this and KSP sits on the couch near me watching TV, I question, should I put the computer away, should we spend some time together? These thoughts will then evolve and make their way into our morning routine when we have the kids in our room and Q wants to read a "book, book book" and E is perfectly content chewing on whatever is most available. As Q plants himself in my lap, the guilt sets in in my head. The picture cards are right there, I should run through them with her. Pick E up and use this time.
In the same string of head conversation, "Q wants to read a book, you can't always feel bad every time you are doing something with him, he needs this attention as well."
At the same time, I want to check my Facebook 'mynewfavoriteday' page, post my blog post on my FB and Twitter feeds and oh yeah, I need to get ready for work, make breakfast, brief our nanny when she arrives on therapy schedules for the day, feed the cat and read emails to catch up before I get into the office.
As I go to accomplish these tasks, I realize I might be spending more time with my virtual friends who feel ,and I think have become my real friends, than talking to my real world friends who are equally busy trying to be super people. I make a mental note to call them to catch up.
When I am working, I want to be blogging. When I am blogging, I feel like I should be working.
I come home earlier to help E with her therapy and find myself working with her but pulled in the direction of my phone and checking emails. I admonish myself to put the phone down and focus.
Guilt. Should, would could, do better, spend more time, focus more, call more, write more, do it all better, faster, more efficiently.
And then, I remember, I am human. Superwoman I am not and will never be. She is a fictional character who wore spandex. I am not fictional nor do I wear spandex anymore if I can avoid it.
I am me.
I have a certain set of circumstances. I have certain experiences. I have certain abilities. I have certain capabilities to do more. I have a certain willingness to try.
I don't have to do everything, be everything, please everyone. No one needs to.
No one can.
We all have our set of beliefs, circumstances, capabilities, desires, priorities, needs that shape what we do and how we can do it.
To give up the notion of the cape, as fabulous as you may look in that color or in that plastic, is challenging. But, also empowering this mindset reminds you that superwoman and superheroes do not exist. We are human.
We don't have all the right answers let alone any of the answers at one time. We are all doing the best we can, with what we know and have in the circumstances we are in. I confront these moments everyday.
Each decision I make for myself or on behalf of my family happens in a moment. In staying true to myself, my intuition, listening to my own voice, recognizing my own limits, even when pushing them has been the only way to get there, and considering as much as I can in the best way I know how, has set me and us for the next moment.
Today is a good day to fold up your cape if you have one, put it away and take a deep breath. You no longer need to be perfect and save everyone and everything from themselves. If you haven't found your perfect cape yet, then stop looking for it. You don't need a cape to be the best you can, at what you are, where you are.
Acceptance of ourselves as we are the decisions we make based on what we know in a certain moment , is a great gift to give ourselves and those around you. It also sets you up for the next moment and decisions you don't even know you will need to make yet.
I too have to be reminded of this, and I hope that by reminding yourself of this makes today 'yournewfavoriteday.'
What decision can you make for yourself today to make today 'yournewfavoriteday?'
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