Lately, I've found myself gauging my sanity by asking a lot of "Is it just me?" questions and by making lists of mom similarities (like, our universal Momisms) -- all in an attempt to make sure I'm not crazy and I'm not alone. Last week, I asked my Facebook Fans if it's wrong for the "Tooth Fairy" to steal money from one kid to pay the other?
(PS The answer was a resounding "No," which I think means I can use that money to pay for food delivery as well, right?)
The truth is, there's a slew of questions every mom will ask herself at least once, or daily. Here are just a few...
1. Is it really worth it to fight over them brushing their teeth every day, twice a day? I mean, they're just gonna lose them all anyway, right?
2. How much longer before one of them realizes I have absolutely no clue what I'm doing?
3. At what age do I have to tell them babies don't come from your belly button?
4. What did I do today that they will bring up years from now in therapy?
5. Will my kids ever eat things that you can't find on a kiddie menu?
6. How many times in one day can a child utter the word mom/mommy? How many times in an hour? A minute? A second?
MORE HUMOR FROM JENNY FROM THE BLOG: 10 Cringe Worthy Secrets Our Kids Tell Other People
7. How can such a tiny adorable thing produce such an offensive odor?
8. What the hell sound does a chick make? Does it go peep-peep or chirp-chirp? Or does it squeak? (Wait, it may only squeak if you step on it, crap.)
9. Forget rinse and repeat! Will I ever be able to wash all my body parts a single time - during a single shower?
10. Is it creepy that I want to snuggle with them forever?
11. Have I gone insane, because I understand every word they're saying when no one else does.
12. How much longer 'til I get to go over to THEIR houses & mess everything up?
13. When can they get jobs?
14. Does jumping in the pool not count as a bath?
15. Will my child still be using a diaper/binky/blankie when she walks down the aisle?
16. When will he learn I really DON'T have eyes in the back of my head?
MORE HUMOR FROM JENNY FROM THE BLOG: 5 Thing Gen Xers Did Growing Up that Our Children Wouldn't Understand
17. Will it ever be possible to make it across my house without stepping on or tripping over a Lego, Barbie, ball, skateboard, drum stick, puzzle piece, My Little Pony, or something they got in a Happy Meal?
18. Does he deliberately aim for the area around the toilet?
19. If I freeze right now and act like a statue, will he fall back to sleep so that I can exit the room, or did I just screw up my whole night by checking on him (again)?
20. Is it considered child labor if I tell them part of the reason I had them was to answer phones, let the dog out, and bring me water?
MORE HUMOR FROM JENNY FROM THE BLOG: 40 Things All Moms Should Have or Should Know By 40
21. When did I become my mother?
22. When will they learn how to use Google and hence end my favorite defensive maneuver: the bold faced lie? "No movies don't play after 8PM." "No they don't give out ketchup at drive thrus." "Yes, the arcade is closed for renovations … indefinitely."
23. When did I go from being the most awesome person ever to the most uncool person to walk this Earth?
24. How long will "kisses" make everything feel better?
Jenny Isenman, AKA Jenny From the Blog is the humorist behind the award winning site, The Suburban Jungle. A caffeine addicted, card carrying Gen Xer, on air lifestyle expert for NBC, and columnist at The Stir, and Smart Beauty Guide. Her goal is to you keep herself sane. Oh, and to teach dolphins to read. She is failing at both!