Wise Guys: My Girlfriend Says Porn is a Dealbreaker, is She Right?
Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: "What do you do if your girlfriend, whom you love very much, doesn't understand why you like and watchporn occasionally: she's intellectually and viscerally opposed to it, thinks it is a horrible industry that exploits people and perpetuates sexism and misogyny, and has suggested to me that it might be a deal breaker?"
Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): Well she has a point, but she doesn't fully understand men if she makes that a deal breaker. (Good luck finding a man who doesn't like porn; it's hard enough to find one that doesn't like sports!) Some porn is perfectly healthy, and if a guy can't explain that convincingly, or is too afraid to put his foot down, then he should throw in the towel and throw away his stash. That's not to say he can't dabble now and again, but he should stay away from the gonzo stuff just in case.
Straight Married Guy (Fred): Well, you could try to explain that it has nothing to do with her, that she's not in any competition with it, that it's a normal and unavoidable part of being a guy, and that she'll never find any guy who doesn't look at porn from time to time... or you could just make it a private thing. Don't talk about it and definitely don't let her see any signs of it. Ignorance is bliss. If you're feeling lucky, you could also point out her relationship with shoes (or women's magazines, or Fifty Shades, or whatever) and say that you're viscerally opposed to it, think it is a horrible industry that exploits people and perpetuates sexism and misogyny, and suggest that it might be a deal breaker.
Gay Commited Guy (Terence): First thing you do is hide. Hide everything. If you've got magazines, burn 'em cause no one uses them anymore anyway. Then remember to clear your cache and history after you get your rocks off online. Don't get rid of every site you visited that day, just the porn sites. She'll never know... I say this because you should never change something about yourself for someone else. It's like quitting smoking for someone else; it rings empty and isn't terribly successful. Your question doesn't even hint that you have a problem with porn. So if that's the case, then I think your only option is to hide your porn and slowly, over the years, bring her to understand that your porn is not her problem.
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Our "wise guys" are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week they're all a little shy.
