The secret to great sex in happy marriages is not some mind-blowing sexual position. Rather it's much simpler: honesty.
We've done it all, seen it all, and now it's a matter of perfecting it and that can take time, practice and honesty. Unfortunately, for many women, faking an orgasm is more comfortable than simply being truthful when sex falls short of expectations.
When it comes to happy marriages, however, trust is one of the most important things. Whether you realize it or not, faking an orgasm breaks down that trust. It is the same as lying. Albeit maybe with good intentions, but a good-intentioned lie is still a lie.
So how do you break the habit of giving an Oscar-worthy performances when your man says lights, camera, action? Here are three ways to get you started:
1. Tell him over a glass of wine. Pick a time when sex is not on his mind or yours. When you're just relaxing. Not stressed. This is important with such a touchy topic.
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2. Try the hot/cold game. The reality is some women don't even know how to help their man please them. Our bodies are like a combination lock and for many of us, we don't know the combo. So like Charlize Theron in The Italian Job, you might need to figure it out by touch. Allow him to kiss you in every area possible and see where your touch points are.
3. Remove the pressure to get this perfect tonight. When you said I do, you said so until the end of time, right? Then let him know you're committed to taking the time together to learn what blows his mind - and yours! Exploring your body is a lifelong process. What makes you scream (in a good way) today might put you to sleep tomorrow. Your body is constantly changing and admitting that will allow him to please you more often (and those orgasms will be for real this time).
The good news is great sex is not what creates a happy marriage. For my book, Happy Wives Club, I traveled the world interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more to discover their secrets. Guess what? Sex didn't make the list. Not even close. Why? Because when you are doing the most important things to make your marriage great outside of the bedroom, mind-blowing sex will naturally occur inside the bedroom (or on the kitchen counters, in the bathtub, in the closet - you get the picture).
Fawn Weaver is the USA Today and New York Times bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage. She is also the founder of the Happy Wives Club, a community of over 750,000 women in more than 110 countries.