You would be surprised to learn how many couples argue on Valentine's Day. Here is a day when Love is to be celebrated, and yet some couples have had arguments and said things on this particular day that have…well…stopped making them a couple. At the risk of taking sides and pointing a finger at my own gender, I can honestly tell you: Everything is HIS fault. Let's face it, Valentine's Day is a holiday for women. You might be tempted to call it conspiracy created by the Retail Industry to sell goods, so if you're looking for someone to blame for making you turn off the game, get off the couch and go to the store, direct your anger at corporate America, not your girlfriend. Of course, you can't really blame them can you? Eighty five percent of the retail market is geared to sell to women (this is a fact, not a sexist remark) so if they can create a day about women, marketing for women, and selling to men and women in vast numbers , well bother, they hit the trifecta. Regardless of who is to blame, you will be required to put in some effort. Therefore gentlemen, in order to keep you from having to sleep on the sofa on a day when you should be in the same bed as your spouse, here are some tips from one guy to another.
She has expectations. Valentine's Day is like a wedding day, it's all about her. From the moment January has ended and February has begun, she is gearing up for this one day of the year (especially if you are a new couple). She is convinced that feelings will be expressed and you will finally say what you are really thinking. O.k. maybe not that dramatic, but what this means for you is that she has thoughts and ideas about what is going to happen on this one day, so you better start preparing to figure out what those thoughts and ideas are because I can let you know one thing for certain; she aint gonna tell you.
Restaurants. The odds are that she is going to expect you take her out for dinner. The problem is that a hundred and fifty million other women in the country are going to be expecting the same thing from their significant other. So if you don't have reservations, make them now because if you attempt to do this on the fly, I guarantee you're going to be standing around waiting for a table, and that's not good. And when I say take her out for dinner, I don't mean Mickey D's. You better damn well find a place that has some ambiance. She wants to dress up and be seen. Do it right.
Flowers. You don't have to buy a dozen, but you better make sure it is a rose, and it better be store bought, wrapped in paper, with a touch of baby's breath for good measure. DO NOT GO YANK ONE OFF THE BUSH IN YOUR NEIGHBOR'S GARDEN! She will know.
Card. Dude! Don't you wish they made a card store just for men? A store where all the cards were exactly the same and printed with a single message (Happy Birthday, Happy Anniversary, Love You!). Then you wouldn't have to spend hours searching for one. WELL THINK AGAIN YOU LAZY b------ ! It better be romantic, it better tell her what you're feeing, and there better be a tear in her eye after she reads it. You get this one wrong and you're in trouble. You better have a fallback position.
Candy. I'm going to cut you a little slack on this one. Some like it, some don't. Make a judgment call.
Dress up. You know that she is going to dress up so you better do the same. Remember she wants to be seen. You show up in khaki shorts, flip flops, and a tee shirt, and you are just asking for trouble.
Gift. Yes she wants one! Are you listening to me? Put it inside a box, wrap it, and place a bow on the top. Don't be handing her something inside a dollar store bag, and for God's sake make it romantic. Remember it's all about her.
Now I'm going to give you the most important piece of information that one man can give to another so you better be listening (Look at me! Look at me!). GIVE HER A STORY TO TELL. On the day after Valentine's Day, she is going to hook up with a group of her friends. They are going to swap stories about where they went, and what they did, and most importantly what you did on this holiest of nights. Whoever has the most romantic story wins, so you better give her something to put her in the running? I'm not saying that you have to drop down on one knee and propose, but throw a surprise in there somewhere, something that her friends won't be expecting. Follow this sage advice and might just make it through a hero. If you choose to avoid these warning, then may the Gods chiropractic care have mercy on you because I can tell you right now Dog, that sofa is damn uncomfortable.