Best Break-Up Letters Ever: Ask ‘Kelsi’ Where Your Stuff Is

Best Break-Up Letter
Best Break-Up Letter

What's scarier than a really nasty break-up note? A really nice break-up note. You better watch your back if you get caught cheating and then receive a "Dear John" letter that opens: "Hey Honey!"More on Yahoo!: Middel School Love Letter Displayed at Wedding 20 Years Later

On Friday, a redditor posted a photograph of just such a handwritten letter, and it's since gone viral receiving more than one million views as of Monday morning.

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So far, no one has been able to prove the veracity of the missive, but it's dripping with realistic sounding acid under a candy sweet veneer of hearts and smiley emoticons. And is that red pen supposed to be the color of love or blood?

"Guess who left his Facebook open the computer and got a message from Kelsi? Yeah! You did! J." The writer goes on to say she's made a super fun game out of ditching his belongings, "since I know you like looking for other things, (like other girls!)" and provides clues to where the philanderer might find his stuff, like:


"Happy Hunting!" it closes.

While there is only one word that truly captures the twisted genius of this revenge note, and that is "amazeballs," it's by no means the only incredible break up, letter, for better or worse, to grace the Internet.

A couple of years ago, an email from one OKCupid user, OompaLoompa to another called Miss Lonelyhearts surfaced that read: "Thanks for an interesting 3 dates. I spent the weekend thinking about you and me and have decided that I'm not interested in pursuing 'us' any longer…I don't think we're a good match, and after looking at us on Cupid again, neither does Cupid…[We're] a 52% on lifestyles questions. And I think the lifestyle issue is the bigger one. I think Cupids matching system works best if the user answers more questions-so I'd recommend answering more. Cupid was founded by Harvard math majors, so I have confidence in their math algorithm." It goes on and on and on to describe how much more energy and zest for life he has than his date, and encourages her to move to another city. The final kiss-off? Closing the letter with an obnoxious "Ciao." Gawker calls the writer a "world class tool." We think Miss Lonelyhearts dodged a bullet and should consider herself lucky.

Another such dirt bag-y email was picked up by the Washington Post and circulated widely. After meeting a guy dancing, a young woman wrote him an email to which he responded, "I don't have time for twenty questions by email. I met five girls Saturday night, have already booked a first coffee with three of them, and meet more every time I go dancing."

A man who was clearly less of a player than the lothario above, but equally callous, penned this note and included an image of him riding (away, presumably) on a giraffe. "Dear Janet, I think we should break up. I would tell you why but I'm having a tough time, describing my feelings, so I drew a picture of me riding a giraffe, instead." Well, that explains everything.

Not to be outdone by the boys, a jilted wife named Emily purchased a billboard to break-up with her cheating husband, and the picture of it went viral. "Hi Steven," it reads, "Do I have your attention now? I know all about her, you dirty, sneaky, immoral, unfaithful, poorly-endowed slimeball. Everything's caught on tape…p.s. I paid for this billboard from OUR joint bank account."

Writing a break up letter (or email, text, or Facebook message) may seem like an easy way out of a relationship, but in fact, given the reach of social media, it may cause far more shame than ending things face-to-face. "No matter how uncomfortable the situation, there are certain decencies that must be observed," admonishes Emily Post . Her top advice for breaking up in a civilized manner is to meet privately and meet personally. Unless, of course, you want to world to know what a cad he was.

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