Sometimes it seems there is a war going on between those who are single and those who are married. Married people get frustrated by the way single people portray marriage (see the marriage ball and chain). And single people sometimes feel married folks rub in the fact they've found someone shared all their experiences.
Today, I am calling for a truce! Whether you are single or married, there will good things as well as bad things. You can be happy single, just like you can be happily married. And you can be frustrated and lonely when you are single, just like you can be frustrated and lonely when you are married.
I have the good fortune to say I have experienced both. I was single for 26 years. Of course, about the first 12 of those I had no real interest in a relationship. I've been married for over 12 years.
As I think of both the single life and the married life, I would choose married life over single life all day long.
I'm not saying married life is better for everyone and single life is terrible, as I had some amazing times as a single man. Do I miss some of those times? Yes, occasionally. Do I wish I could go back to those days? No, not at all. I just think married life is the best life.
YourTango.com asked some people currently in a relationship what they miss about being single, and they shared the results in this article. To my knowledge, those interviewed were in a relationship, but not married. So, I think the things they say they don't reflect how it truly is in marriage.
I've taken their 5 answers to what they miss about single life and given my perspective on how they won't miss those things at all in marriage. In fact, they'll get more. Plus I've shared 11 reasons why married life is the best life.
I miss…"the freedom to do whatever I want when I want"
So, it seems when you are married checking in becomes a necessity. And you can't do what you want. I disagree. A married person "checks in" not out of obligation, but because they want to share their life with their spouse. The same with doing what you want. When you get married, you truly want to share your life and all of its experiences with your spouse.
I wish…"I would have slept around a little bit (more)"
Many times we seek to fill a void, and we seek it in the wrong way, or wrong place. Which may have lead to the answer above. They wished they would have slept around more. Translation: "I wish I have have given the most precious thing to me to more and more people."
Ever heard the phrase, "searching for love in all the wrong places." The ability to sleep around more, or have a lot of sex, is found in marriage. It is not only safer physically and emotionally, it is more enjoyable. The deepest connection you can have with another human being is to have sex. That connection is limited if you know next week, I probably won't even be talking to this person. In marriage, you can and should do that as much as you possibly can.
I miss…"having a good cry"
Crying is not something you will miss at all in marriage. You can cry and cry and cry. My wife is "quick to cry." Early on in our marriage I wasn't sure how to take it. Then it was frustrating because it seemed to come out of nowhere, and I couldn't figure it out. Now I understand her, and sometimes can predict when it is going to happen. I see her differently and realize that it is a special part of her personality, which makes her who she is. And through the years, I have gotten a little soft and shed a tear or two every now and then.
I miss…"having the bed to myself"
This statement shouldn't be related to missing being single, it should be related to being married without kids. Because when you have kids you will wish you and your spouse had the bed to yourself! :) Seriously, having the bed to yourself is overrated. Yes, I do need to sprawl out every once in a while, but more than that I love the fact that every night I have someone with me, who could be anywhere else. And my wife feels the same. Those times when one of us has been traveling and we had to sleep alone are different. And that different isn't better.
I miss…"having me-time"
One misconception in marriage is you get no time to yourself. In fact, I think many times married couples don't get enough time together. The me-time sometimes, unintentionally, outweighs the we-time. Regular me-time and time with the fellas or girlfriends is important. What we miss more is the time alone together - time away from work, time away from kids, time away from everything except us.
Married life is the best life
As I said earlier, I have experienced both single and married life. Both have been good and challenging to me. At the end of the day, if asked which I prefer, I say married life is the best life. Here is an article I wrote on my 11th anniversary sharing 11 reasons married life is the best life.
-By Jackie Bledsoe Jr.