The Rise of Pharrell’s Hat: A Timeline

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*Note to Readers: Dates and times are approximate, except the ones before the Internet was invented. Those are made up.

July 1982: Born in London, weighing a whole pound, to designer Vivienne Westwood; friends and family astounded by size. Given name "Oblong Brown Hat, X-Large"

September 1982: Utters first word: 'Hey'

November 1982: Decides upon career as a Professional Cameo. Requests headshots and puts them into newspapers and magazines.

December 1982: Wins first role in music video for Malcolm McLaren and the World's Famous Supreme Team hip-hop classic "Buffalo Girls." Receives critical acclaim.

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1983 - 2009 Struggles to find work, widely considered a one-hit wonder

May 2010 - Gets big break when discovered by Pharrell Williams while throwing back a few rounds of dust at a dive shelf in London.

2010 - 2014 - Begins taking cameo lessons with Pharrell. Given stage name, "Pharrell's Hat."

January 26, 2014 4:30pm Makes official Hollywood debut on Grammy Awards red carpet after years of rehearsing in bedroom and bathroom mirrors. Press immediately goes wild, calling him the next Abraham Lincoln's Hat.

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January 26, 2014 4:35pm Joins Twitter. Decides first tweet will reference first word: "Hey."

January 26, 2014 4:45pm Scores Taylor Swift's autograph. Tells her he is available for her at any time, and gives her personal phone number

January 26, 2014 5:00pm Takes seat at Grammy Awards, asked to move because blocking Kevin Hart's view. Offers to sit on Kevin Hart's head instead.

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January 26, 2014 5:30pm Gets into big argument backstage with Daft Punk's Helmets. Daft Punk's Helmets say Pharrell's Hat has gotten a major big head, and refuse to take stage with him. Last minute decision made to let Pharrell's Hat sit out. Pharrell's Hat responds to controversy on Twitter.

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January 26, 2014 6:00pm Feels better when Twitter takes his side in debacle, taking matters into its own memes.

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January 26, 2014 10:30pm Tries to hit on Madonna's Hat at after party, but is rejected.

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January 26, 2014 11:30pm Picks fight with Daft Punk's Helmets after one too many shots of tequila; kicked out of bar.

January 27, 2014 Named the Most Talked About Star of the Grammy Show by MTV; Hires publicist to manage media requests.

January 31, 2014 Gets side job with Diddy, not for the money but free Ciroc.

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February 4, 2014: Receives first piece of fan art. Has officially made it.

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February 4-8, 2014: Goes on vacation in St. Bart's. Gets really, really sunburned.

February 9, 2014: Shows up at New York Fashion Week, burnt but refreshed.

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February 9, 2014: Takes stage during Beatles Tribute wearing heavy makeup to cover burn.

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February 10, 2014: Attends Oscar Luncheon, requests photo be taken at best angle.

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February 10, 2014: Reconnects with long lost family members who found him on Twitter.

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February 12, 2014: Working with developers on signature fragrance. Launch TBD, but officially a bona fide brand.