Sour Patch Chips Ahoy! Cookies? They're Not For You, Parents.

Cameron LeBlanc

They sound like something that would only exist in a munchies-addled mind, but Sour Patch Kids Chips Ahoy! cookies are, somehow, very real.

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Let’s state the obvious: Unless you have the palette of an eight-year-old, these cookies sound disgusting, a union of candy and cookie of flavors that have no business commingling. But you, the parent, are not the target audience: your eight-year-old, who does have the palette of an eight-year-old, is.

The novelty of Frankenfoods — Reese’s Puffs and Doritos Locos Tacos come to mind — is hard for kids to resist in normal times. With their lives suddenly more constricted and less adventurous, the appeal of weird foods is even greater for kids. Sour Patch Kids Chips Ahoy! cookies are the kind of thing they’d spot in the grocery store — back when such a trip wasn’t fraught with peril — and pester you to buy.

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You’d probably say no under normal circumstances, but we’d suggest that you say yes this time around, even if you aren’t toting your kids to the store anymore.

Think about it. Life is absurd for kids — shuttered schools, Zoom playdates, summer vacation canceled. Maybe an absurd junk food, a mash-up of sweet and sour gummy candies and buttery supermarket cookies, can be comforting.

Would it be better if these cookies didn’t exist and your kid only ate vegan, sugar-free, completely natural snacks? Probably, but that’s not the world that we’re living in. Here, things are weird and scary, and if all it takes to give your kid a pick-me-up is a cookie with a questionable flavor profile, you should count yourself lucky and buy the damn cookie.

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And let’s be honest, a junk food this unappetizing will make it easier for you to stick to adult food, free of the temptation to snack on cookies that you already know are delicious.

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