When it comes to engagements, Instagram really changed everything. Long gone are the days when everyone discovers your big news via the announcements section in the Sunday edition of the local paper. Now, ring selfies are standard, and racking your brain to come up with a hashtag that perfectly communicates your new relationship status is the norm. So, the question quickly becomes: Is there a right way and a wrong way to reveal on social media that you’re getting hitched? We talked to three world-renowned wedding planners to get their read on the situation. With dozens of combined years of industry experience between them, they’ve seen it all when it comes to the wild world of wedding etiquette. Read this before you post your ring selfie!
Can you announce your engagement too soon on social media?
“I definitely think that important family members and friends should find out first—before it is announced on Instagram!” says Los Angeles–based wedding planner to the stars Mindy Weiss. “I know it can be difficult to hold on to the amazing news, but it will be more difficult dealing with hurt feelings.” New York–based wedding planner extraordinaire Marcy Blum adds, “I think one should bask in the engagement for at least a day before posting it. It’s important to make sure that your nearest and dearest are told before posting, so they don’t find out secondhand. People are very sensitive about it, similar to pregnancy.”
So, how long should you wait to post?
Wedding planner Calder Clark runs her full service design and consulting firm out of Charleston, South Carolina—one of the top wedding-destination cities in the United States. She emphasizes the importance of keeping it real. “If you’re naturally a bit shy or private, hold off for a few days to digest the big news. If you’re over-the-moon pumped and love to share on social media in general, post away. A grace period may look like one hour to you and one week to others, and that’s perfectly okay.”
Are there any glaring mistakes people make when posting?
“I’ve been totally amazed—and not in a good way—by Instagram posts that have a gorgeous shot of the ring and then absolutely no mention of the significant other,” admits Blum. “There’s nothing wrong with a pretty ring selfie if you’ve already mentioned how in love and happy you are to be marrying the person who gave it to you.” Weiss’s words of wisdom? “You should make sure your ring is clean, your nails are done, and there’s no ugly crying face.” Clark adds, “When in doubt, borrow someone else’s timeless words. I’m a fiend for a good quote! Post a lovely pic of the two of you with a sweet saying and a couple of cute hashtags.”
How do you feel about ring selfies?
“Subtly holding your hand up can be cute, but not if the camera is zeroed in on the ring itself,” says Clark. Instead, she suggests making the post about the two of you and texting up-close pics of the ring to friends who ask. “One photo of the ring is definitely enough,” emphasizes Weiss.
Should you add your wedding hashtag right away, or does that read as overzealous?
This is a bit of a hot button issue for our planners, with Weiss encouraging it and Blum and Clark suggesting the newly betrothed hold a beat. “Get that hashtag on!” says Weiss. “I love using it in the very first post. Or be sure to go back and add it if you haven’t decided on it yet, as it allows you to capture the entire wedding process from start to finish.” Blum says hashtags should be reserved for much later in the game. “It seems odd and commercial to have it ready for your first engagement announcement—as if you’re kicking off a marketing campaign,” she notes. Meanwhile, Clark says, “Slow down, enjoy the moment, skip the wedding hashtag for a hot second and just marinate on this momentous occasion. You’ll have plenty of time to come up with catchy couplings of your last names.”
This story originally appeared on Vogue.
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