Shawn Johnson Opened Up About Her Struggles With Body Image and Diet Pills
Shawn Johnson became a household name by winning four Olympic gold medals and earning a spot as one of our country’s most decorated gymnasts. But her life hasn’t been without its struggles—something she’s been quite open in sharing with her fans and the world.
In a new YouTube video titled Body Image Issues: 110 Lbs. to Pregnant, she opened up even more about her life, including how lost she felt after the 2008 Olympics. “When I went on Dancing With the Stars and I had my period for the first time, and I had to deal with going through puberty on national television, I hit a very low spot,” she said. “I’d gained about 15 pounds after the Olympics ,and I thought that that was the worst thing in the entire world—which it wasn’t; it was healthy and normal.
“Every decision I made in my life up until that moment, for at least 13 of my 16 years, was based on gymnastics. What it would take and what I needed to do to get to the Olympics. What I ate, who I hung out with, how I dressed,” she continued. “Literally every decision I made was for the Olympics. Now that the Olympics were over, I didn’t know how to function as a normal human being.”
Because of the issues she was having with her body image, Johnson started taking weight-loss pills, including Adderall and ephedrine, and experimenting with different types of diets. “I went through this dark kind of spiral of a few years on terrible medications and drugs that tried to ‘spike my metabolism’ and did nothing. I took diuretics, I did every fad diet. I remember I went through a three-week phase where I ate nothing but raw vegetables,” she said.
“I started doing any and everything I possibly could to lose the weight and to look like I did at the Olympics, because in my mind, everybody praised me for what I did at the Olympics. They praised who I was as a human being when I was there,” Johnson explained. “And in my mind if I could look like that—not necessarily compete or do gymnastics—but if I could be that person again, then the world would say that I was ‘enough’ and I was accepted.”
In the video Johnson also talked about her fears that she might slip back into old habits after she got pregnant and her body started to change—but something else happened instead. “There was something that switched when I got pregnant, where it was no longer about me or my body or the vanity or the calories or what I looked like or what I weighed,” she said. “I couldn’t have cared less. It was about protecting my baby. And I was so excited by that.”
The pregnancy and childbirth weren’t without challenges, however. Johnson wrote a very personal essay for Glamour earlier this year in which she revealed having a C-section made her feel like a failure as a mother. “It was my first wave of mom guilt. I felt like I’d caved, like I was selfish for getting the epidural. I wondered, Am I already making a poor decision for my child? I felt guilty, like I wasn’t doing this for my daughter but as a selfish reaction to the pain,” she wrote. “And when doctors told me I’d need a C-section, I felt like this beautiful dream I’d had as a first-time mom to do the best thing for my child had failed. I know that C-sections are relatively safe procedures—safer than delivering vaginally in some cases—but I couldn’t stop thinking, What if something goes wrong because I selfishly decided to do this? I felt like I had failed her already.”
But as with her other struggles, she came through the other side stronger for it—and willing to share her story.
“Being strong as a mom isn’t sticking to a plan; it’s figuring it out and wrestling through it. It’s about being able to hold your baby and say, ‘Okay, we made it one step closer to whatever the goal is.’ And being okay with however you get there.”
Watch her full YouTube video below:
Originally Appeared on Glamour
