Funny Tweets That Sum Up Self-Care For Parents

By self care, I assume you mean kicking my family out of the house.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) September 8, 2020

Self-care tip: Wear a luxurious moisturizing face mask as you wipe your child’s shitty ass so that you, too, may feel as if you’re enjoying the spa day of your dreams.

— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) May 4, 2020

Flowers in the Attic is my favorite book about a mom practicing self-care

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) May 10, 2020

Self-care as a parent is not putting up a fight when your kid claims to be “too full” to eat their dinner so you can finish off their scraps while they are still warm.

— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) January 15, 2020

Watching Frozen 2 without your kid is self care.

— Life at Tiffany’s (@lifeattiffanys) February 16, 2021

My 5-year-old just got an A+ in
self-care:

Teacher: What’s the name of the person we see for a check-up when we don’t feel well?

My Child: My mommy goes to see the lady that does her hair to make herself feel better.

— The Michelle Dempsey (@MichelleDWrites) April 30, 2020

If your 3yo cries for 45 min cause she wants to stay on the toilet but she doesn’t want to stay on the toilet and she wants to wipe but she doesn’t want to wipe and she wants you to stay but she doesn’t want you to stay, letting her have cookies for breakfast is called self-care.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) April 25, 2020

Get you some self care that scares away your kids so you can actually enjoy it. 💆🧟‍♀️ pic.twitter.com/OJO15niEn0

— Walking Outside in Slippers (@WalkingOutside) March 7, 2020

Got up this morning & made pancakes for my kids & drank some champagne for myself because quarantine self-care looks different for everyone.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 22, 2020

My new nutritional self-care routine includes skipping breakfast and having two extra cups of coffee instead, then skipping dinner because I ate a whole package of cookies for lunch.

— Ms. Monster (@SpacePlankton) July 30, 2020

Sometimes “self care” means telling your kids there aren’t any treats when you know damn well there are treats and you’re going to eat them after everyone goes to sleep.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) December 1, 2020

Sometimes when I get the broken grocery cart, my Fitbit records my shopping trip as “mountain biking” and you know what, I just take the credit and move on, it’s called self care.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 27, 2021

My self-care is everyone leaving me the fuck alone.

— Ohio mom of two #BLM 🏳️‍🌈 (@OhioMomoftwo) January 11, 2021

Standing in a 30 min Starbucks drive through for cake pops.

It's called self care 💅

— Manic Mama (@JannaKillHimNik) May 19, 2020

Sometimes eating Pringles and drinking soda in the parking lot IS self-care

— Meg the Magnificent (@meghaffer) December 9, 2020

I’m at the “lying to my self care app” stage of 2020.

— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) October 8, 2020

Instead of waiting for the kids to go to bed like I usually do, I shaved while they were watching TV. This is what I call claiming some high-quality me time. #selfcare

— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) February 6, 2021

Letting my exhausting, strong-willed child play as much freaking Fortnite as he wants this holiday weekend is how I’m practicing self-care.

— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) November 27, 2020

How to get alone time when you have a bunch of kids, a newborn and a husband that works from home:

Wake up at 5am to pump and stare at the TV through glazed, exhausted eyes!

Follow me for more self care tips!

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) September 8, 2020

When I was a child, my mother would tell me how my grandma would send her four children outside all day long every day and only allowed them to come inside to use the bathroom.
That's what self-care looked like in 1965.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) October 15, 2020

My dishwasher broke about two weeks ago and I was annoyed at first but washing dishes by hand has totally become self-care. The water drowns out the kids’ whining so it’s like a mini vacation aaaand if you add rum to your pineapple juice, it can turn into a tropical vacation.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) June 22, 2020

Me: Listen. I just wanna enjoy my tea and sit here for a bit. This is my alone time.

My 6 year old, leaning his elbow into my lower abdomen: Sounds good. I’ll have alone time with you.

— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) November 17, 2020

An epidural? That's me-time baby

— amil (@amil) May 5, 2020

Isn't it crazy to think that taking a shower alone and uninterrupted as a mom is a part of self care..

— Levi's hoe. (@mummin2girlies) August 25, 2020

I typically wake up before my kids in the am for 90 mins of me time and work, but the two youngest ruined it for me this am. I’m on my last thread today like IS NOTHING SACRED?!

— Mattie James (@themattiejames) August 20, 2020

Homeschool lesson of the day:

Self-care 😂 pic.twitter.com/G3BTqD8tBv

— A. Chaddy Jenks (@achadwick10) April 24, 2020

Self-care now looks like me driving around the neighborhood like a 16 year old who just got her license.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) April 27, 2020

You know when you finally have some alone time from your kid and so you panic about what you should do because there’s so much you fantasize about doing when you’re finally alone and then you just end up spending the whole time wondering how you should spend that time?!?!

— amil (@amil) May 4, 2019

We still don't know what 2021 has in store for us so do what you need for self care. Keep your Christmas lights up, binge watch your favorite show, make voodoo dolls of your enemies and buy the Costco pack of pins, get out your essential oils...

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) January 5, 2021

People are all like “don’t forget your self care” but when I order a whole XL pizza for myself I’m the bad guy.

— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) February 20, 2020