Russell Tovey: 'I had imposter syndrome because I didn't go to drama school'

I had a very lovely start in life. My parents are still together after 40 years; they’re like best friends. When I was growing up in Essex we had a woodland area behind where we lived. I would have the family dog, Domino, a border collie, and a metal detector and would go up into the woods with friends. It was like The Goonies. It was a really idyllic way of growing up. Looking back, I learned so much in those years about who I wanted to be.

My love of acting came from watching movies during the summer holidays. I used to dream about being in them. After watching Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone, I would fantasise about him being my best friend.

I started acting at local drama clubs in Essex. Mum would drop me off at 7am on a Saturday and pick me up at 4pm. I would be singing and dancing all day; eating packed sandwiches for lunch. During the week, after school, I’d go to Shakespeare and improv classes. It was an amazing opportunity, and it was fundamental in my discovery of not just the craft of acting, but of who I was.

When I was 12, I remember wanting to be the person who could cry at the drop of a hat, and the teacher telling me that the best acting is actually where you can cry, but you don’t. That stuck with me. When you see someone about to cry on screen it is so much more compelling than someone sat there sobbing.

I’m a highly emotional person and I’ve always been able to connect the dots emotionally in my performances. I have been lucky, it’s an instinct I have always had and I’m so grateful for wherever it comes from.

I never thought I would not act. I was blinkered about it. People around me were worried, but I was like, “It’s going to work.”

Still, I never went to drama school and I always felt envious of everybody who did. I remember when I was in His Dark Materials and there were five other actors who had all been in the same year at the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Art; I had impostor syndrome. But everyone has their own path and, maybe if I’d been to drama school, I would have lost my instinct by questioning things too much.

Being part of The History Boys was like being in a boy band [Tovey was part of the original cast of Alan Bennett’s play, along with James Corden and Dominic Cooper]. It feels really nice that we all had that common experience early in our careers. It felt like a moment that changed culture.

My younger self would also get a kick out of the fact that I was in Angels in America, it’s a play I saw 10 times when I was 17.

Success, for me, is people coming up to you in another country and shyly tapping you on a shoulder and saying: “I loved you in so and so.”

I make work not to win an award or for my peers to admire, but to affect a person who you don’t know somewhere in the world, while they sit in their living room.

All the other noise around acting is brilliant and has given me an amazing life but, if I lost all my money and no one was paying me for acting any more, but they were still letting me act, I would still act.

I think my parents instilled that in me. When I was young and starting to get on TV my mum always said, “If people ask you about it you can answer them, but don’t bring it up.” It was good advice, because life is as important as work.

When I was younger it did feel a bit like you had to stay in your lane, though. I never felt like I could be in control of my own destiny and I was always at the will of other people giving me work. But now I’ve written two shows that are in development. And I have my podcast, Talk Art. It’s a passion project that’s snowballed and it’s so much fun.

Otherwise, I haven’t changed much. I’ve still got the same ears; they’re my trademark. I always expected my mum and dad to be together forever, and that seems to be working out. I always wanted my own dog. Being gay, I didn’t know what to expect about relationships and family, but I knew I wanted love. I wanted what my parents had, but with a man. I’ve got a really lovely relationship now that takes work, but it’s paying off and it’s really nice.

I think if my younger self could see me now he’d say: “I want to be you when I grow up.”

New episodes of QuarARTine drop weekly on the Talk Art podcast. Russell Tovey will next be seen starring in Neil Cross’s The Sister for ITV/Hulu later this year