Rest Porn Is a Beautiful Lie That Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself
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Steamy bubble bath? Check. Thin-stemmed glass of Malbec? Check. Opaque clay face mask and an expensive, minimalist candle? Check and check!
Congrats—you're now officially ready for “self-care Sunday.” Er, at least a "self-care Sunday" Instagram pic. Yes, you too can “relax” in front of total strangers (ahem, followers) after spending an inordinate amount of time meticulously posing your props so they hit the light juuusttt right.
You already know this but I'll declare it anyway: We've officially entered peak Rest Porn. It isn’t just baths. It’s matcha mugs and cozy blankets, furry slippers, and poolside naps. It’s captions riddled with “namaste” and #offthegrid and impossible location tags like “Golden Hour” or “Heaven.” I’m not bitter because everyone’s finding some Zen and getting their “chill” on—okay, maybe I’m a little bit bitter—I’m mostly concerned that performing “rest” defeats the point of resting, and I’m also sensing that maybe… well… the people posting all this aspirational, relaxation content are not really resting at all. Here’s why:
Producing content takes a shit-ton of work, even if it’s just a “casual” picture of your favorite new book next to a fresh farmer’s market bouquet atop the well-lit marble ledge of your perfectly clean bathtub. I know because I'm guilty of it, too. (I literally just started pumping out more Instagram content—Stories, grid posts, Reels, you name it—to support the launch of my new book, How to Build a Goddamn Empire, thanks for asking!!).
Listen, I genuinely want people to #livetheirbestlife and post whatever their hearts desire. That’s the fun of content creation and social media, after all. But when I scroll through these immaculately staged Rest Porn pics, my inner voice whispers (okay, screams): “This person is a TOTAL hypocrite! That’s not rest! That’s a full-on photoshoot!”
Something just feels icky about people who are hustling for followers and a spot on the Explore page by peddling this Rest Porn to a bunch of people who don’t have the luxury of a day off, or even a quick break. Think about it: there are so many people have been devoid of actual rest in the last year-and-a-half, from front-line workers in hospitals around the world, to essential workers delivering our packages, to laid off employees launching their own businesses to pay their rent, to parents juggling the demands of work and at-home childcare.
Like I said, I'm guilty of this bullshit, too. Not too long ago, I constantly posted Story pics of my freshly filled bathtub, my home-cooked dinners with friends, my Sundays reading on the couch. Why did I do it? Well, before realizing that using my phone in any capacity was not helping me rest, there was something kind of cathartic about sharing these relaxing little moments with the world. It felt nice to “announce” my rest and make it public—almost like an accountability measure, so that I’d hold myself to an afternoon of relaxing. But inevitably, I'd myself obsessing over how the flowers looked in my living room. And was my acrylic table visibly scratched, or could you not notice? Does the color of my bath water kind of look like pee?
So, I stopped. And once I did, I realized that I should be able to hold myself accountable to my self-care. I don’t need someone else to know it’s happening. And by “announcing” my rest and making it public to “lead by example,” I was working to serve and support others, not working to serve and support myself and my right to some downtime. That’s why I started looking for Real Rest instead.
My Real Rest looks like this: Me, sprawled out on the couch in my stained pink sweatsuit and mismatched socks, shoveling curry down my throat as juice dribbles into my hydrocolloid acne patch, begging my boyfriend for a foot massage while he mindlessly scrolls through Twitter. It’s not pretty. And that’s how I like it.
Sadly, we need to acknowledge that Real Rest is only accessible to the privileged few, which is why performative, perfectionist rest porn can be so triggering. Those looking for Real Rest should know that it’s okay to be messy, sloppy, and imperfect when that rest does come. There are scratches on the acrylic table, the flowers are moldy and dying, the bath water does look like pee. And that’s okay.
photographed by: Rosaline Shahnavaz, Glam: Mary Guthrie/ ABTp Agency, Prop styling: Miako Katoh, Nails: Tatyana Molot/ ABTP agency
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