I Refuse to Believe This is Colin Farrell As the Penguin in 'The Batman'

From Esquire

Prosthetics have enjoyed a long, glorious history since the dawn of the moving image. Go way back, and you’ll see Margaret Hamilton’s hook-shaped Wizard of Oz snoz. De Niro in Raging Bull, not as fighting-shape Jake LaMotta (even if he did don a prosthetic nose), but as mid-life crisis LaMotta. Gary Oldman's Oscar-winning Winston Churchill prosthetics. Or, a personal favorite: Dana Carvey’s Master of Disguise tuuuuurtle.

And now, we have another entry into the insane movie transformation panel. Production for Matt Reeves’s The Batman is back on following star Robert Pattinson’s positive COVID-19 test. You should know, too, that Colin Farrell was reportedly cast in this film as the villainous Oswald Cobblepot, AKA The Penguin. On Monday, set photos emerged of what we’re being told is Colin Farrell in this role. Before you look, know this isn’t some Steve Carell/Foxcatcher glowing-down, where you’re taken aback for a hot second, then realize you’re just looking at grandpa-aged Prison Mike. No. This is a different man.

Sure, “Colin Farrell” has about 50 extra pounds buried underneath that untailored suit. Normal movie magic, nothing special. Same with the hairline, which feels fitting for a curmudgeonly Batman rogue named Oswald. It’s the face. It looks like someone took some superglue, stuck a glob of cotton balls in a bunch of random spots on his face, took some more superglue, and caked a rubber mask over it. If you look at the photos, this creation has a permanent scowl, and seems merely capable of opening its eyes up really wide, and closing them again, like a permanent botched Botox job. Please take a look at the photos, so we can ask some questions together.

Just for the record, this is the real Colin Farrell in 2020:

He looks great! Exactly what you'd expect Colin Farrell aged 44 years to look like. Better even!

So, who is this man playing Colin Farrell playing Oswald Cobblepot, AKA The Penguin, in The Batman?

Was Colin Farrell once a nuclear physicist who was beamed by gamma rays in a laboratory accident, and now, this is the creature that emerges when he gets too angry? Will The Batman feature proprietary prosthetics technology, which will allow the layers of rubber on his face to move like a normal human face? Were these really set photos from the secret sequel to The Lobster, where if you’re unable to find a partner, you turn into a Sopranos character?

Seriously. Are we sure that’s Colin Farrell? If you can hear us in there, Colin, we can help. Blink twice if it's really you.

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