How to Prevent Holiday Depression This Year

Kristy Hollis, 31, has noticed her anxiety levels rise as the holidays draw closer. The Seattle resident has struggled with anxiety for more than a decade, but like many of us, she’s managed to create a day-to-day pandemic routine that felt seminormal. But now the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is urging Americans not to travel and instead celebrate the holidays with just their household, in response to record-breaking rates of COVID-19 infection. That means canceling long-anticipated plans and limiting contact with loved ones—difficult decisions that can cause holiday depression and, to put it frankly, really suck. “It's just a big reminder that things are different,” says Hollis.

This holiday season, like so much else in 2020, is not going to feel normal—and that has real mental health implications. It’s a rough blow at any time, but especially during a year that has already profoundly affected our collective mental health. Nearly one in five adults (19%) believe their mental health is worse now than it was this time last year, according to a report released in October by the American Psychological Association. Between October 28 and November 9, 41.4% of U.S. adults surveyed reported symptoms of anxiety or depression, according to the CDC’s Household Pulse Survey. That’s the highest level reported since the CDC started conducting the survey in late April.

“A lot of people have been doing the right thing—practicing their social distancing and isolating, and things like that—with the hope that by the time we got to the holidays, they could celebrate with their family,” says Jessica Jackson, Ph.D., licensed clinical psychologist and assistant professor at Baylor College of Medicine. Now that it’s clear that the holidays won’t go on as desired, people are feeling a heightened sense of disappointment and, in some cases, grief, she says.

Kim Carmona, a 27-year-old newlywed in Austin, can relate. She and her husband tied the knot in February, and while she’s grateful they were able to have their wedding as planned, she can’t help but feel let down that their first holiday season as a married couple won’t be what she envisioned. “I just thought Thanksgiving, first year of marriage, maybe we’d invite everyone and have everyone together,” she says. Instead the holiday will include just her brother, who lives with Carmona and her husband, as well as her parents, who live in south Texas. (This is the plan, Carmona adds, provided that no one tests positive or develops COVID-19 symptoms beforehand.)

No matter where you live in the country or your exact family situation, chances are you’re feeling a little (or a lot) bummed about the holidays this year. That’s perfectly valid. But while we can’t change the current pandemic reality, we can take small steps to ward off holiday depression and make the upcoming days and weeks feel as good as possible. We asked the experts for easy ways to prioritize things that can have a big impact on your mental health this season.

1. Embrace your feelings.

One of the fundamental rules for dealing with emotions is to not push them away, says Nirit Gordon, Ph.D., licensed psychologist at Thrive Psychology Group in Southern California and New York. Shoving emotions aside, she explains, often only increases their power. A better approach is to name and acknowledge your feelings, and then give yourself the space to feel them. “It’s okay to not be okay,” says Jackson. So if you’re super disappointed about Thanksgiving this year? Allow yourself be disappointed. From there, you can figure out a plan to make yourself feel better.

Sometimes, Jackson caveats, things just suck and there’s really nothing that’s going to lift your spirits. In those instances it’s okay to simply let yourself sit in the discomfort for a bit as long as you establish a time limit to your wallowing. For example, set a 20-minute timer on your phone and let yourself feel however you’re feeling for that period. When time’s up, move on to another activity, like cooking a meal or calling a friend. (This applies to moderate bouts of crappiness; if you’re experiencing more extreme emotions, like symptoms of depression or self-harming ideations, don’t sit in your pain—seek help.)

2. Open up to others.

In addition to acknowledging your feelings to yourself, it can also help to express them to others. “We often feel so much better and less isolated when we can share what we’re feeling,” Gordon explains. She suggests intentionally approaching the holiday season with an open heart and a willingness to confide in others (just make sure you pick folks you trust and who are good listeners).

3. Make a plan.

When you're in the midst of your emotions, it can be really difficult to figure out how to cope with them. As an antidote, Jackson recommends “coping ahead,” i.e., making plans in advance for days you anticipate will be difficult. Say, for instance, you won’t be seeing your parents in person this Christmas, and you know you’re going to feel sad on the holiday. Make plans in advance so that, when December 25 rolls around, you won’t have the time to sit around and ruminate about what you’re missing. Schedule a virtual “bake-off” between family members, plan on taking a long walk to your favorite park, or promise your grandma you’ll FaceTime her at a specific hour.

4. Find ways to connect.

For many people, the most important part of a holiday isn’t the actual holiday but rather the connection we get on that day. “So if we're able to create some of those connections again in a different way, I think that many people will find that they handle the holidays better than they thought that they would,” says Jackson.

There’s a lot of research that underscores the importance of physically interacting with others, says Gordon, so if it’s possible to safely see others in person this holiday season, do so—even if it’s just a socially distanced, masked walk outside. If that’s not possible, still make an effort to connect with loved ones, says Gordon. She recommends solidifying plans in advance, and opting for video calls over less personal forms of communication, like texting and emailing.

This is also a good opportunity to connect with communities you maybe haven’t tapped into before. Research shows that connecting with people in your neighborhood improves well-being. If your family can’t travel to be with you this holiday, invite your neighbors to your backyard for a socially distant cup of hot chocolate, or leave a plate of cookies and a holiday card on their stoop.

5. Take a walk.

One of the simplest but most profound ways you can boost your mental health is to take a short walk. There’s a wealth of research that shows light- to moderate-intensity exercise can decrease markers of stress and feelings of depression and anxiety, and overall boost mood. This is especially true if you take that walk in nature. Research shows that spending as little as 10 minutes in nature can immediately make you feel happier and reduce physical and mental stress levels.

6. Create a new tradition.

If you had a specific vision for the holidays that is no longer feasible—maybe your S.O. was supposed to meet your family the first time, or all of your siblings were finally going to be in the same place again—it can be really tough to let go of that expectation and make room for reality.

To help with that process, Jackson suggests incorporating a new and different holiday activity this year to honor the fact that your life has changed. For example, send care packages instead of gifts, or watch scary movies in lieu of holiday films. Whatever you choose, make it meaningful to you. Hollis, for instance, is typically very strict about not putting up Christmas decorations until after Thanksgiving, but this year she broke that rule and strung the lights early. The decision, she says, has brought “a ton of joy.”

7. Set boundaries.

Despite the warnings from health experts, many people still have families that are planning to gather—and expecting you to go to great lengths to be there. If you’re feeling family pressure, first remind yourself it’s okay to say no, period. Still, talking to loved ones who aren’t taking COVID-19 seriously is really stressful, so to help the conversation go as smoothly as possible, explain to your loved ones in a nonjudgmental way what precautions you’re following. And be realistic about your expectations for their response. Your antimask aunt may be angry you won’t be coming to her blowout holiday party—that’s okay.

Setting boundaries can be one of the most powerful forms of self-care. And if there’s ever been a time to prioritize your own mental health, it’s now.

8. Limit social media.

If you’ve chosen to follow the CDC guidelines and not gather with your family on the holidays this year, it can be both frustrating and FOMO-inducing to see others on social media who are not taking the same precautions. To guard against these emotions, limit your time on social platforms. “I don't know that we need to see how everyone is celebrating this year,” says Jackson. If you make a plan for how you’re going to spend the holiday (see tip #3), you’ll have less idle time to scroll.

9. Perform a kind deed.

One surefire way to feel a little bit better? Do something nice for someone else. By redirecting your attention away from negative thoughts and onto a good deed—say, volunteering at a food bank or creating a care package for an elderly relative—you can fill your brain with more positive thoughts and thus lift your mood. “Are you gonna feel at a 10 immediately? No,” says Jackson. “But if I'm in the store grocery shopping for my elderly neighbor, I'm now focused on getting what she needs and less focused on the fact that I'm not with my family.”

10. Notice the good things.

Research shows that thinking about the things you’re grateful for before you go to bed can influence your thoughts as you're falling asleep and help you feel more rested and relaxed, says Jackson. Moreover, practicing gratitude can remind you that it’s still possible to discover joy in your day-to-day life even when there’s also a lot to feel disappointed and anxious about.

Jackson suggests setting a gratitude challenge for yourself this holiday season. It can be as simple as pledging to write down three things you’re grateful for every night during the month of December. Your gratitudes needn’t be major things, Jackson adds—acknowledging little wins, like the fact that you enjoyed your favorite cup of coffee or had time to watch a TV show after work, can do the trick.

11. Embrace small interactions.

You may not be with your loved ones this holiday season, but you’re still likely going to come into contact with some humans. When you do—whether it’s the cashier at the grocery store, the neighbor walking their dog, or the mailman dropping off a package—take the opportunity to engage, says Gordon. Smile, wave, and ask them how their day is going. Research shows that these types of small encounters, however trivial they may seem, can actually provide a lot of happiness, Gordon explains.

12. Make a plan for next year.

Research shows that making detailed plans can create a lot of happiness and enrich the experience as it draws closer, says Gordon. So if you’re gathering with your family virtually this year, carve out some time in your Zoom meeting to discuss as a group what you will do the next time you’re together in person. “Allow yourself to get elaborate,” Gordon encourages. Discuss details like where exactly you’ll meet, who will bring what, and what activities you’ll do together.

13. Know that this too shall pass.

If this holiday season feels really sucky, take comfort in the fact that the holidays won’t always be this way. The same is true for emotions. “Every emotion is temporary,” says Gordon, who likens them to waves with distinct peaks and troughs. So no matter how disappointed you feel about the holidays this year, realize that feeling is not going to rule your emotional life forever, says Gordon. We will get through this.

14. Talk to a professional.

There are certain instances in which professional input can definitely help. Those include feeling constantly on edge or like you just can’t seem to shake a mood and especially if you are having thoughts about harming yourself, she adds. Whatever you’re going through, know that you’re not alone. Tell someone you trust how you’re feeling, and ask for their help in getting connected with the resources you need to feel better.

If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about someone else, or would like emotional support, call the Lifeline Network at 1-800-273-8255. Help is available 24/7 across the U.S.

Originally Appeared on Glamour