People Are Confessing The Honest Reasons They Turned Down Their Partner's Marriage Proposal
We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community who turned down marriage proposals to share their stories, and they delivered some real honesty:
Warning: Some of the following submissions contain mentions of abuse.
ABC
1."I’ve turned down proposals from two guys, and I’m so glad that I did. The first was a cop I was dating, and while he was probably one of the best guys I ever dated, I always felt uneasy with his job and knew I couldn’t ever let the happiness be greater than the worry. He deserved to have someone who would be his rock and in his corner confidently, and that wasn’t me.
"The second guy was the worst guy I ever dated. There were multiple red flags and mental and physical abuse. He was super possessive, and he only proposed with the most lavish ring to control me even more. He invited me to an elaborate proposal I knew about, and I didn't go. It felt so liberating to just shut him out. I'm now married to the most amazing man in the world, and guess what? No proposal! We knew it was meant to be on our first date, and we told each other when we’d like to be married!"
—BuzzFeed User
2."The first time I was proposed to, I was 18 and about to head off to college. I loved him, but I knew if I married him, I wouldn't leave for college and achieve my dreams. We stayed together for a few more months, but eventually, the distance came between us.
"We’re still friends, and I sometimes think about what it would be like if I said, 'Yes,' but I’m happy with the decision I made because it was best for both of us."
Fox
3."We had been together for five years. There were ups and downs, of course, and while I think I was more in love with him at first, as time went on, my feelings faded, and his grew stronger. We were living together, and things were fine but not great. I remember going to sleep early often just to be alone and get away from him. I also started having nightmares about marrying him, where I felt extreme dread as I was about to walk down the aisle. But it wasn't until we went to his brother's wedding and everyone was making comments about us being 'next' that I knew I was done, and that I needed to find a way to end things. Apparently, he felt the opposite way in those moments, because two nights later, he was waiting for me when I got home from work with dinner and a whole romantic scene! My stomach flipped...
"He didn’t say much, just that I had stuck with him through everything and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I couldn’t get any words out. But I finally just said, 'I can’t marry you, I’m so sorry.' That was the end of our relationship — he moved out the next week. It was brutal, but it was absolutely the right thing. I remember feeling a sense of relief when he was finally out of the apartment, and I knew then that it was the right decision. Sometimes, when it’s not right, it’s just not right — and that is OK! If everything inside you is not screaming 'Yes,' say 'No!'"
4."My boyfriend — who I have a 12-year-old child with — tried proposing to me six years ago. I'm not against marriage; it's just not for me. My parents had a messy divorce and were in court for over 17 months, so I just don't feel like the risk is worth the reward financially and emotionally.
"My boyfriend asked my friend about rings, and thank God she told me, so I had her shut it down immediately. He was sad, but now he knows we can be happy and committed without the legal documents."
CBC
5."The first time I got proposed to I felt like we had grown apart, and the proposal was an attempt to keep us together. It wouldn't have been healthy. We broke up shortly thereafter.
"The second was when I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t going to get married just because I was pregnant. So, I am happily single!"
6."My boyfriend was lying about everything — his drug abuse, his cheating, his job, his friends, who he was and wasn't hanging out with, and I was starting to catch on that something wasn't right about him when he suddenly proposed. As soon as he did, I knew that it wasn't right for me. I said, 'Not now,' and we stayed together for another eight months. Those months were filled with more lies and deceit, but I felt guilty because I had rejected his proposal, and he used that to his advantage and continued his bad behavior. Two weeks before our one-year anniversary, he proposed again, but this time, he was frantic. I very calmly rejected him and broke off the relationship.
"It turns out that all of the lies were coming to a head and about to be exposed by the women and friends who were also putting two and two together. He was trying to lock me down before I found out! I thank the heavens every day that I am no longer tied in any way, shape, or form to that man."
Netflix
7."I really did love the man who proposed to me, but we were never going to work out. He's from a different country, and he wanted to move back there. I'm British, and I knew I wanted to be near my parents as they got older. Even more importantly, he wanted children, and I didn't. We decided to stay together until the day he moved back home, so we could enjoy the time we had left — then, one night, he set up a really romantic scene with candles and flowers, and got down on one knee. I had to say, 'No,' because all the romance in the world wouldn't change the fact that we wanted different things. Honestly, I was mad at him for asking because even though I was absolutely heartbroken, it made me feel heartless."
8."I had recently broken up with my abusive ex-fiancé when I started dating my friend's roommate. He came to visit me in my new apartment, and we were having a great visit, until one night, I was venting about the trauma from my abusive ex. I said that I was glad that relationship ended because I wasn't ready to get married anytime soon when my boyfriend said, 'Hang on...' Then he leaned over the bed and pulled a ring out of his bag! I was so caught off guard! I accepted out of nervousness, but then, I returned the ring the next day, explaining that I had just gotten out of a horrific situation, and the fact that he didn't listen to a thing I had said showed his complete disregard for my feelings. We broke up shortly after that. I mean, we had only dated for a month — what was he thinking?!"
Paramount
9."I said, 'No' a while after I had already said, 'Yes.' We went to have champagne to celebrate, and I found myself calculating just how much booze I would have to consume every day for the rest of my life. He and everyone else around me had convinced me that he was the right decision just because we had a kid together, when in reality, I knew in my bones that I hated him. Being drunk was the only way I could tolerate him, and this turned into a full-on addiction. I realized that planning on being hammered every day for the rest of your life is no way to start.
"I'm sober now, and he's still terrible."
10."It wasn't really a proposal — he just told me it was time to book a venue for our wedding. When I said I wasn't ready to get engaged, he said we didn't have to get engaged, we just had to book a venue because his family was worried all the venues would be booked if we didn't act fast. We had been dating for less than two months. I refused, and we broke up shortly thereafter."
—BuzzFeed User
Prime Video
11."We'd been dating for six months when he asked me to meet him at a car dealership to look at a car he liked. I waited there for over an hour until he got there. Then, a salesman brought me to his office and gave me a love note from my boyfriend. A few minutes later, my boyfriend came in and proposed. I said, 'No.' To this day, I have no idea why he thought that set up was a good idea."
—BuzzFeed User
12."My boyfriend and I had been together for over five years, and in that time, he had become increasingly verbally and emotionally abusive to me. He was angry about how much harder he had had things than most other people in his life, and he took it out on me. I had secured a good job, and he was still working to finish his bachelor's degree. He was also having financial difficulties, so one night, he asked me if we could get married so he could use my benefits. The proposal wasn't for love; it was just to help himself. While I thought eventually we would get married after he finished school, I told him, 'No.' And he made me feel pretty shitty the rest of the night and through the week.
"I don’t doubt he loved me — it just is very clear in retrospect that he didn’t like me very much. Those are two very different things."
—BuzzFeed User
CBC
13."He lives in India, and this past weekend, he added me on Snapchat. We had been talking for about 10 minutes when he said, 'Would you move to India if a boy who lives there wanted to marry you?' I said it depended on who it was, and he said it was him. I said, 'Absolutely not,' but he kept pressing, so I told him I was in a threesome, then blocked him."
14."He was an alcoholic, and he had been arrested for a DUI. He promised he'd stay sober for six months, but he couldn't do it, and I broke up with him. We moved to separate bedrooms in the apartment until we could figure out who would move where, and one night, there was a knock at my bedroom door. When I opened it, there were rose petals everywhere, and he was holding a pear solitaire ring. It was an empty bid to get me to declare things 'forgivable,' but I couldn't. We went our separate ways after that."
And finally:
15."We'd been together a few months, we had similar interests, we were great friends, and he proposed in the park during a picnic with both of our families. I said, 'No.' We were 6."
BET
What about you? Have you ever turned down a marriage proposal? Tell us the who, what, where, when, why, and how in the comments section, and you could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.
