The other day, redditor u/Jayhawk_00 asked, "Parents of Reddit, what is the most disturbing thing your child has done?" Parents (and non-parents) shared some absolutely wild stories about things they've seen kids say or do, and tbh, I’m still recovering.
Here are some of the top-voted responses:
1."My 8-month-old son woke up at 2 in the morning laughing. Laughing hard. Staring right into the baby camera."
2."Put a very hot pepper in his mouth. Cry. Wheeze. Cry again. Exclaim that he hates it. Then proceed to do it again. Didn't cry the second time. The f**k."
3."My 3-year-old stuck her thumb out on the main road as if to hitchhike. I was shocked, and I asked where she learned that from. She said she used to do that to get around when she was a 'big girl.' That was creepy — well, for me, anyway."
4."Woke up to my mom's housemate's kid (around 5 years old) sneaking through the house with a 10-inch chef knife at 2 a.m. He gave me the knife, and I asked him what he was doing. He said he was afraid of 'the man who walks around in the yard at night' and said he was out there now."
5."My 12-year-old will occasionally scream while sleeping. It makes your hair stand up when you get woken up from a deep sleep. I've also woken up in the middle of the night to see him standing right next to my bed — sometimes just facing the wall or staring at me. He's always 'sleepwalking,' and I can escort him back to bed. Trouble is, I never know how long he has been up. He never remembers any of it."
6."When my daughter was about 4 and it was approaching Easter, she said, 'I want to kill all the Easter eggs.' My wife and I were, like, 'Uh...what?' She said, 'I want to kill all the Easter eggs.' I said, 'What do you mean?' She replied, 'You know, dip them and make them all different colors.' I said, 'You mean DYE the Easter eggs.' She shrugged and looked at me like, 'Yeah, duh, ya moron.'"
7."I'm not a parent, but when I was younger, I set my room on fire and tried to get my grandparents to lie."
8."My son used to sleepwalk occasionally when he was little (6–8). One night, he came over while his dad and I were sitting on the couch and told us, 'I don't like the people in the basement. They’re too loud.' Good thing the couch was brown because someone may have pooped in my pants right then."
9."[My] 3.5-year-old threw literal rocks at his helpless newborn sister in her car seat because he was mad that we were leaving the park. Kids do some messed up stuff."
10."My daughter has what I can only assume are nightmares. She doesn't recall them at all and is still sound asleep when it's happening, but when it started, I would hear her little voice getting louder and louder: 'No...No! Help, [mom or dad]!' Daddy rolled in hot the first time it happened. ... She was sound asleep."
11."My son makes this funny noise with his voice every once in awhile. When my daughter tries to imitate it, she sounds like Regan from The Exorcist. The creepy part is she does it when she's in her crib, talking herself to sleep at night. 😳"
12."Picked up a mini pretzel dog he dropped on the floor in Grand Central Station and put it in his mouth before we could stop him. 2-year-olds are gross."
13."My 10-year-old hot-wired the car and started backing out of the driveway. Luckily, I caught up to him and was able to hop in and stop it before he crashed into my neighbor's mailbox."
14."I caught my 2-year-old son with a toy hammer, smashing his stuffed animals in their faces, while yelling, 'GO!' This happened two hours after we bought him a toy tool set with a toy crafting bench."
15."My daughter at 3 years old once woke me in the middle of the night, crying and shaking. She said she saw a ghost. I asked what the ghost's name was; she said she didn't know, followed by, '[I'll] ask the ghost its name.' The next morning, she calmly tells me that the ghost's name is Charlie."
"It was particularly odd, because she’s not the kind of kid that’s creative with names (every dog stuffed animal is named ‘Doggie,’ dolls are ‘Dolly,’ etc.) So, the ghost having a very clear, real name was unusual for her. For months, she’d tell me about Charlie and how he hangs out in the tree by her window."
16."My 3-year-old is currently terrified that Minions are going to crawl through our TV and requests that we unplug it every night before bed. What happens if the Minions get in anyway? He's 'going to go find bad guys so they can cut them all up and throw them away!'"
17."When my son was 4 years old, he loved watching The Price Is Right when Bob Barker was the host — and he would clap and yell with excitement along with the audience. When someone would lose, he'd be so disappointed for them. One day, when I was in another room, he got so pissed off, he started yelling, 'Throw the old man in the dryer!' I came out asking what was wrong. Turns out, the lady didn't win the washer and dryer, so my son was pissed and wanted to burn poor Bob in the dryer."
18."Indy, 4, puts a cocked nerf gun to his brother's head and demands, 'Look me in the eyes.'"
19."I was taking a piss at like 2 a.m.; the hallway light was off, and I had the door open. A shadowy figure comes racing towards me — almost kicked my son in the face while pissing on the floor."
20."My 10-year-old son has started putting mustard on his watermelon. Gobs of it."
21."Our middle child pooped during his nap time, got completely naked, then proceeded to finger paint with feces all over his room. I’m talking carpet, walls, bed, even found poop in the T-Rex's mouth. I had to disinfect the entire room and replace the bed. Middle children..."
Parents, what's the most disturbing thing you've ever witnessed your child do? Let us know in the comments below!
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.