Ode to OxiClean: A heartfelt love letter to the miracle stain remover that altered the course of my life

OxiClean makes me want to display my whites for the world to see (Photo: Getty Images)
OxiClean makes me want to display my whites for the world to see (Photo: Getty Images)

My dearest OxiClean,

I wanted to write and tell you how happy I am that you exist. You are a powdered stain-fighting miracle and deserve all the good that comes your way. You have made my life so much easier and more enjoyable, and I am a better person with you in the world. Before you, I would spill red wine on my favorite white tee shirt and my whole night would be ruined knowing it would never come out. I’d throw out my husband’s deodorant-stained shirts because after multiple cycles in the dryer I figured I’d set those spots for eternity.

But then you came into my life. You were able to get out that red wine, yellow underarm stains and more. Sometimes I can’t believe how lucky I am that I found you.

OxiClean Versatile Stain Remover Powder

OxiClean Versatile Stain Remover Powder (Photo: Walmart)
OxiClean Versatile Stain Remover Powder (Photo: Walmart)

You, OxiClean, are a savior for sloppy people like me—especially sloppy people who are too lazy to treat stains immediately. Case in point: I had been saving a big bag of baby clothes to give as hand-me-downs, but when I looked at the pieces they had developed nasty yellow stains. I was about to throw everything out—but then decided to give you a chance. I used you to both soak the clothes overnight and wash them in the morning. Not only did you get out those awful stains, but the whites have never looked whiter!

Just last week you saved my patio furniture from a stain-filled summer. I had left out my tables, chairs and chaises—uncovered—all winter and hoped by spring they’d somehow be as fresh and clean as the air (they weren’t). So I crossed my fingers and filled a pail with a scoop of your precious powder and warm water and used a stiff brush to clean away all that winter grime. I barely had to use any elbow grease. You were even able to get tough mildew marks off my enormous unicorn pool float (yes I left that out all winter too, and somehow it remained inflated. Truly fantastical).

Another reason I love you? There’s no reason for me to buy bleach anymore because you bleach out everything—and safely. And you’re safe on colors too! Because I’m fairly messy, I don’t like using bleach. Yes, I know that sounds counterintuitive, but once, while pouring bleach into the wash, I splattered it on my beloved hot-pink sweater. Plus I have kids, so having a big bottle of bleach in the house just kind of stresses me out.

Oxiclean fans are quite enamored of the humble cleaning product (Photo: Getty)
Oxiclean fans are quite enamored of the humble cleaning product (Photo: Getty)

Now that I’ve found you, I want others to know how amazing you are! And some do! I’ve read the reviews to prove it. People use you for everything. One reviewer used you to take the dust and must out of vintage Barbie doll clothes. Another experienced the dreaded color bleed of a red shirt onto a white garment—you, OxiClean, erased it. Someone else spilled an entire bottle of cherry-red cough syrup on a white carpet, and not only did you get out the stain out completely but you left the carpet nice and soft too. And yet another person tried for years to get yellow stains out of her pillowcases, and the only thing that did the trick was, you guessed it, you.

I use you constantly. On gravy-stained tablecloths. Blackened grout. Smelly garbage cans. Blood on the rug (from a nosebleed, mind you—you’re watching too many episodes of 48 Hours if you thought otherwise).

I am honored to place you front and center on my laundry room shelf. Thank you, OxiClean, for being you.

Love,

Nicole

Shop it: OxiClean Versatile Stain Remover Powder, 5 lbs, $10, walmart.com

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