Nicki Minaj is head over heels in love with being a mother.
The "Super Freaky Girl" rapper, 39, opened up about her motherhood journey to Jada Pinkett Smith in Interview magazine, where she also talked about still being "Nicki" and the childhood fears she is working on through her son.
"I see myself as a baby in my son and because of that, it reminds me of moments that I had probably forgotten over time, just of me being a toddler in Trinidad," said Minaj.
Minaj welcomed her son, affectionately nicknamed "Papa Bear," on Sept. 30, 2020. Two years later, she says she still can't get enough of motherhood.
"Being a mother is the biggest freaking blessing on planet Earth. I'm so happy that God allowed me to experience this. I've always loved children and I've always been great with children," she said. "I'm used to going wherever I want, whenever I want, and I knew having a baby was going to change all that. But I absolutely love it. I love my son so much that I don't know if it's normal, but it seems unhealthy because I took too long to start working and leaving him to be watched by anyone, so now I have this real bad separation anxiety. So that's not good."
The heightened sense of uncertainty caused by the pandemic exacerbated this feeling in Minaj.
"If it wasn't during COVID, it would've been different, but I was afraid to bring people around him when he was a tiny, tiny baby — nannies that are going back home and stuff," she said.
Minaj also got candid about her own childhood in Trinidad and how it has affected her parenting style.
"My son is about to be 2, and when I was 2 years old, my parents left me in Trinidad. Of course, I was very attached to my mother, and in my little toddler mind, I thought I was going to see her the next day. And she was gone for two years, so that's a big part in my development," she explained.
She expanded on her fears, recalling a time when she didn't recognize her own mother as a child.
"Right before I came to the States, my mother had to come to Trinidad because I had to have an operation and when I opened my eyes from the operation, and I was maybe 3 years old going on 4, I started crying because I didn't know who this lady was. I was crying at the side of my mother, and I started begging my cousin, who was a teenager, to come be in the room with me because that's who I had gotten attached to in the year-and-a-half prior, you know? So I'm reliving all of those things now because I'm afraid that my son will ever feel that I left him for anything, for any reason, and for any amount of time," said Minaj.
While she is still working through her attachment-related anxiety, she is also finding a balance between motherhood and her status as a sex symbol, something she says she never wanted.
"I have been leaning more towards wife and mom. And I feel like either you're going to do it or not. So I had this conversation with myself...I don't know how to be a watered-down Nicki Minaj," she said, elaborating on the fact that the sexy persona was initially just her being silly. "People might not get this from me, but I was never trying to be sexy, I always was laughing. I think that I can look sexy, but I don't think of myself as a person that is — you know how some women walk into the room and they're just like, 'Ooh.' I'm not like that."
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