It’s time for a presidential election, which means it’s also time for Nickelodeon’s Kids Pick The President special—where children who are too young to vote get to pretend they have a say by casting their ballots in an unofficial election. This year, though, in what is probably a chilling preview into what we’ll be dealing with next week, the online poll was briefly besieged by bots that tried to skew the results, with a narrator explaining during the special (via The Hollywood Reporter) that the “tech wizards at Nick discovered some cheating and were able to eliminate the unfair votes.” Despite that, and because of “lots of vetting,” Nickelodeon now feels “super confident” in the results.
So who did the kids vote for? Well, if you read the headline to this story, you’d already know: With 90,000 votes cast, Joe Biden won with 53 percent of the vote. That’s not a huge margin, which is a little concerning, but hopefully fewer adults make the stupid choice when they cast their actual ballots next week.
Of course, at this stage in the game, the only thing people care about is trying to predict what’s going to happen in the real election, and thankfully Kids Pick The President is really good for that. In fact, the poll has correctly predicted six of the last eight presidential elections, with the two that the kids got wrong being 2004 (kids picked John Kerry over George W. Bush) and… 2016 (kids picked Hillary Clinton over Orange Shitbag). That gives us even less confidence than we had before, since kids don’t seem to share the self-destructive tendencies of some of their stupid, stupid, stupid elders, so fewer of them are inclined to vote for the guy who’s going to kill everyone. Basically, this poll doesn’t mean anything unless it does, and we won’t know until next week. Was there ever a time when presidential elections were fun and not scary? This seems like an artifact of those times and we’re not sure what good it does anymore.