How much of your infant’s demeanor is biological and how much can you actually modify? The answer, in both instances, is quite a lot. “Nature and nurture work together to produce a personality the way humidity and cold come together to generate snow,” says Jerome Kagan, Ph.D., author of The Temperamental Thread: How Genes, Culture, Time, and Luck Make Us Who We Are. For frazzled new parents, it’s easy to interpret this as good news: On the one hand, you don’t have to hold yourself responsible if your child is a chronic crier or is painfully shy; and on the other, there are almost always strategies that you can employ to improve her disposition. Find out what the experts say you can do to raise a calmer, happier baby. The strategies are all super-easy to adopt.
How much is nature? Your infant’s howling is designed to be as difficult to ignore as a screeching smoke alarm. He gets your attention, and when you respond appropriately, you get a placid, secure child. Some babies, though, are more difficult to soothe than others, and genetic makeup is a significant factor. “Researchers believe about 60 percent of temperament is hereditary,” says Parents advisor Harvey Karp, M.D., creator of the DVD and book The Happiest Baby on the Block. If, like 15 to 20 percent of all babies, your child is extremely sensitive—so alert to everything around him that he quickly becomes overstimulated—there’s a higher probability that he’ll have lengthy bouts of bawling. Many physicians have stopped using the term colic (which was once defined as crying for more than three hours a day for at least three days a week) to describe this condition, but most parents have a good idea if their baby fits the description, says Dr. Karp.
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How to nurture Fortunately, all babies are born with a calming reflex, and it’s relatively simple to activate, says Dr. Karp. He recommends what he calls “the five S’s”: swaddling (wrapping your baby snugly in a blanket), side positioning (holding him on his side), shushing (using a white-noise recording or machine, or simply making a “shhh” sound), swinging (rocking him rhythmically), and sucking (offering him your breast, a bottle, or a pacifier). You’ll need to experiment to see which of these techniques works best for your baby, but combining a few will usually do the trick, says Dr. Karp.
How much is nature? If your baby is constantly in motion, she may have been born that way. In their landmark New York Longitudinal Study, child psychiatrists Alexander Thomas, M.D.,and Stella Chess, M.D., concluded that active infants are more likely to grow into energetic adults, while“relaxed” babies tend to remain relatively sedentary as they get older.
How to nurture Whether they tend to be couch potatoes or movers and shakers, all babies need regular opportunities to work the muscles that will enable them to roll over, sit up, crawl, stand, and—eventually—walk, run, and jump. “Get a variety of baby-safe objects that your child can grab, hold, shake, chew, and throw,”suggests Peter Vishton, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the College of William & Mary, in Williamsburg, Virginia.You should also regularly place your child on her belly—on a firm surface—as early as possible, even if she protests.“Putting an infant to bed on her back is important to prevent SIDS, but she needs tummy-time sessions during the day so she can learn to explore and move by lifting her head and pushing her hands down on the floor,” notes Lorraine McCune, Ed.D., a professor in the department of educational psychology at Rutgers University.
How much is nature? Is your baby shy around strangers, is he a natural flirt, or is his personality somewhere in between? Whatever the case, genetic factors may be at play. In their study, Dr. Thomas and Dr. Chess concluded that a baby’s inherent temperament tends to determine whether he’s social or aloof toward others. Need further evidence? A study in the journal Developmental Psychology found that adopted babies whose birth mother described herself as introverted tended to be the same way.
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How to nurture Babies who seem outgoing by nature don’t need much encouragement. However, if your child is reserved, you can help him become more comfortable around other people by arranging frequent get-togethers with extended family members and friends and playdates with other babies. Avoid pushing your little one to interact. “Try to be sensitive to your child and his reactions,” cautions David S. Moore, Ph.D., director of the Claremont Infant Study Center at Pitzer College, in Claremont, California. Leaving a shy baby in the lap of someone he doesn’t know might make him even more leery of unfamiliar people and situations. Give him as much time as he needs to warm up to strangers. You should also prepare your child for situations in which he’ll be meeting someone new. “Talking to your 1-year-old about an upcoming visit with Aunt Cathy and showing him pictures of her can make the event seem less scary for him,” says Jenn Mann, Psy.D., author of SuperBaby: 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years. If he still bawls when she walks in the door, don’t worry: Eventually your baby will become more at ease around others.
How much is nature? Even before you introduce solids, you may notice that your infant has quirky feeding tendencies. Some babies gulp down milk, while others sip slowly or take frequent breaks. Convinced your voracious child may grow up to be a good eater? You could be right. Genetics plays a role in the speed at which a baby eats and also in his ability to recognize when he’s full. And if your child spits out the sweet potatoes or peas you put in his mouth, heredity helps explain some of that as well. A study of identical and fraternal twins published in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition concluded that the fear of trying unfamiliar foods is primarily genetic. Researchers suspect that some fussy eaters may be “super tasters,” meaning they have a heightened sensitivity to bitterness.
How to nurture For a baby who balks at unfamiliar foods, there are several strategies for expanding his palate. “Turn meals into a highlight of your baby’s day, a time for having fun together,” suggests Eileen Behan, R.D., a dietitian and author of The Baby Food Bible. Even if his eating times don’t coincide with yours, have a snack when you sit down with him to create a shared experience. When introducing a new food, gently offer a little taste. If he refuses, try the next time (and the next) until he finally opens wide. If your child gags, take it away. But don’t mistake a funny face or a grimace for disgust. These are perfectly normal baby reactions to novel experiences. “The more you expose a child to something new,” says Behan,“the more likely he is to taste it, especially if you pair the food with one of his favorites.”
How much is nature? If your child isn’t sleeping through the night or takes super-short naps, you might be able to blame her genes in part. A study published in Pediatrics comparing identical twins and fraternal twins (who, on average, have only half their traits in common) found that genetics seems to play a role in the length of time babies sleep without interruption. Nearly all identical twins share a tendency to wake up during the night, compared with less than 80 percent of fraternal twins. Researchers also found that identical twins are more likely to share similar napping patterns.
How to nurture One possible solution for a baby who doesn’t sleep soundly at night: Take her outside more frequently in the afternoon sunlight. Researchers at Liverpool John Moores University, in the UK, found that infants who were reliable nighttime sleepers were exposed to significantly more daylight than poor sleepers were. An afternoon stroll exposes babies to environmental light, which helps regulate their sleep-wake schedule. (Make sure you avoid direct sunlight, which can be harmful to a baby’s delicate skin and eyes.) A few simple tweaks in your child’s bedroom setup can also improve her sleeping habits. Buy blackout shades, since light can distract a baby during nap time as well as early in the morning. Playing white noise all night long helps babies sleep better, says Dr. Karp. Keeping the sound at what he calls “the level of a soft shower” simulates the low-pitched rumbling your child heard in the womb.