Mushy Prince Harry Is Getting Meghan Markle a Hell of a 5th Anniversary Gift

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Prince Harry Preparing Impressive Anniversary GiftMax Mumby/Indigo - Getty Images
  • Harry and Meghan, Duke and Duchess of Sussex, will soon be celebrating their fifth wedding anniversary

  • Some publications have sought out royal experts to offer their perspective on what Prince Harry might get Meghan Markle as a gift.

  • It's ... it's apparently, possibly a picture frame. Possibly. Maybe. It's really just a guess. Everyone's just kinda spitballing here.

In the third episode of the Netflix docuseries Harry & Meghan, Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, can be seen prepping for a round of media inquiries with her friend and attorney, Mandana Dayani. When Meghan invokes the so-called "royal experts," Mandana can be heard saying, "I don't understand what that means. Someone can just call themselves a royal expert?"

Meghan directs the inquiry to her husband, Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex, who responds:

"It's the same as royal correspondent. Royal correspondent is a title that is given to a select group of journalists, so that those newspapers can use them and their stories with 'royal correspondent' as credible fact. Just so that whatever the papers print can come with extra credibility. Anyone can be a royal expert."

In the series, Prince Harry sounds over the entire insipid concept that a person can essentially be given a title by a publication in order to lend credibility to that person's words within that very publication, even when what they're saying is little more than reckless speculation.

It's a moment that makes the viewer realize it must be exhausting to live a life where people who perhaps only have a passing connection to you can go out and make money wildly speculating or making even the vaguest predictions to the press about your future actions, and they'll be portrayed as credible, no matter how little actual information they're presenting.

But hey, in other news, Harry and Meghan's fifth wedding anniversary is coming up, and The Mirror brought in a royal expert to tell us what Harry might get Meghan as a gift!

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BEN STANSALL - Getty Images

That's right, The Mirror turned to King Charles's former royal butler, Grant Harrold, to offer up the kind of insight that only a man with real first-hand knowledge of the inner-workings of Buckingham Palace, and an expertise on the mind—and dare we say soul—of Prince Harry, could offer.

"Any anniversary is special, but five years will definitely be celebrated," Harrold is quoted as saying, which tells us that for Harry and Meghan, these "anniversaries" are a special day, and that apparently "five years" is a particularly significant span of time for the couple to commemorate.

This royal expert then pulls back the curtain to reveal that apparently, within the complex and secretive world of the royals, this "fifth anniversary" celebration is typically connected to a type of material. "The gift for five years is wood," the royal expert explains. With insights like that, you can already see why these experts are worth it for publications to have on hand, but then this Mirror piece takes it a step even further, conjuring up all of their singular expertise to determine what unique gift only the Duke of Sussex could give to his bride to commemorate this landmark occasion.

" could be a wooden photo frame."

Folks, the last time Earth-shattering insider info like this leaked, Woodward and Bernstein were in the depths of a parking garage.

So there you have it, folks. We all learned something today. You learned that for their forthcoming fifth wedding anniversary, Prince Harry might get Meghan Markle a wooden picture frame.

And we learned that we've been screwing up giving away photo gift suggestions for free, when we could have been making bank as "royal experts" by offering to tell tabloids that a Duke should buy one.

Although ... maybe it's not too late. Does Prince William want a new outdoor projector? Can we recklessly speculate that there's a new charcoal grill coming for Charles? Quick, does Camilla need merch ahead of next WrestleMania? We wanna be "royal experts," too!

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