Mr. Trump, Sir, Your Plan to Do a Vaccine Commercial Is Tremendous and Everyone Loves You
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Mr. President Donald J. Trump, whom we all love and cherish as one of our nation's greatest presidents, has announced his willingness to star in a commercial where he would communicate the safety and effectiveness of the COVID-19 vaccines. His selflessness knows no bounds. To take some time out of his busy schedule to help others? It's shaping up as just the latest honorable act in a career of stellar service to the American public, who truly owe him a debt of gratitude for all he's done. OK, by this point I think we can assume that, should the big guy come across this, he would have stopped reading, assured that this is an article in praise of The Leader, and therefore True and Good.
Considering the level of vaccine hesitancy among Republicans—particularly Republican men—whatever gets Trump to publicly back vaccines is worth it. You're the best, king! We love ya! But please make good on your suggestion to Sean Hannity—one of our nation's greatest journalists—to do the commercial. We need this, my guy. Just tell your fans you took the vaccine in January (in secret, but we'll leave that aside for a moment) and that they should take it too, because it could save their lives and those of their loved ones and allow all of us to get back to some semblance of normal life. From this very article, or at least the headline which may well be the only thing you realistically read, you can be assured that Public Vax Endorsement=Praise From the Media.
Trump says that he was "asked to do a commercial saying take the vaccine" because"a lot of our people don’t want to take the vaccine," but he isn't too keen on it because of the Johnson & Johnson pause, which he seemingly attributes to the FDA being in bed with Pfizer. pic.twitter.com/LNAKzM4GOb
— Justin Baragona (@justinbaragona) April 20, 2021
OK, let's just ignore the conspiracizing about Pfizer and the FDA, and the debate over the J&J decision—which is worth exploring in calmer contexts—and concentrate on the fact that Sean Hannity is really dragging the ex-president towards the right public messaging here, and he's kind of coming along, and maybe he will actually do the commercial. Please do the commercial. We need you to do the commercial. You can do it. You'll be a hero. You might end up on Rushmore. We'll ignore the moaning about how many votes you got—which, while a lot, was significantly less than your opponent in the election—and the pitiful Sir Story about Russia. All is forgiven (well, except the insurrection, and the constant demonization of The Other, and the years of anti-science rhetoric that probably contributed to this hesitancy among his followers, and all the other stuff) if you can help get us to herd immunity. We love you, man!
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