Mother Fights Back After Her Son Is Shamed for Wearing a Tutu
Jen Anderson Shattuck’s three-and-a-half-year-old son loves puzzles, trucks, and tutus. But not everyone is OK with the tutus.
In a heartfelt post on Facebook, which has been shared more than 46,000 times, Shattuck wrote that she and her little boy were walking to the park on Aug. 23, when they were approached by a stranger who aggressively asked to know why her son was wearing a tutu.
“If asked, [my son] will say the tutus make him feel beautiful and brave,” Shattuck wrote. “If asked, he will say there are no rules about what boys can wear or what girls can wear.” But instead, the stranger turned to her and said, “Why do you keep doing this to your son?”
“He wasn’t curious,” wrote the mom. “He didn’t want answers. He wanted to make sure we both knew that what my son was doing — what I was allowing him to do — was wrong.”
According to Shattuck, the stranger then turned directly to the boy and said, “She shouldn’t keep doing this to you. You’re a boy. She’s a bad mommy. It’s child abuse.” The man also took photos of the mom and son, even though Shattuck asked him not to.
She called the police, who came to take a report and complimented her little boy on his tutu. Shattuck says her son doesn’t feel safe from “the bad man” they encountered and has asked if he’s going to come back. “I can’t say for sure,” she wrote. “But I can say this: I will not be intimidated. I will not be made to feel vulnerable or afraid. I will not let angry strangers tell my son what he can or cannot wear. The world may not love my son for who he is, but I do. I was put on this earth to make sure he knows it.”
Shattuck tells Yahoo Beauty that she didn’t get her son a tutu until he specifically asked for one, but “we do believe that the gendering of children’s toys and clothes is at best silly and at worst downright harmful.” Several clothing makers who have launched gender-neutral lines — including Jessy & Jack, Handsome in Pink, and Quirkie Kids — clearly agree, as does Target, which has eliminated boys’ and girls’ toys and bedding sections and offers gender-neutral options.
Experts also stress that it’s common and perfectly normal for little boys under the age of 5 to play dress-up in what are typically considered “girls’ clothes” — and that it’s important for parents to be supportive. “Playing dress-up — whether he wants to look like Daddy, Mommy, a football player, or a fairy princess — is common and entirely normal at this age, and isn’t limited to roles embodied by members of a child’s own sex,” developmental psychologist Roni Cohen Leiderman told BabyCenter.
As Leiderman pointed out, even though parents like Shattuck are open-minded about little boys rocking tutus, some family members or even strangers may not be comfortable with it. “Respectfully acknowledge their comments (or defuse them with humor), but also remind yourself to trust and value your own judgment,” Leiderman said. “After all, if your child is happy and playful — even if he’s trying Mom’s high heels on for size — then you’re doing a good job.”
After the ordeal, Shattuck chose to share her story to show her love of and support for her son. “I hope people are inspired to love their children fiercely and unconditionally and to live their values, whatever they may be, without fear,” Shattuck tells Yahoo Beauty.
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