Motherhood is the hardest job on this planet, no matter how you spin it or how you live it. It should be the happiest as well, according to so many people. I’m sorry that’s not how it is for you, fellow mom with suicidal thoughts.
I see the pressure you live with, day in and day out. The glares as you walk by… because you didn’t show up for that playdate.
The comments of what you should be doing, like they know your children better. You’re doing your best, I know.
“Don’t blink, they grow up too fast,” is something that’s often said when you’re out with your kids. Don’t let that guilt set in and claim home in your mind.
You can blink. You can rest your eyes from the battle inside.
Because your kids need their mom.
If your children could ask you this I know that they would, but they don’t know how. So, I’m asking you instead — please stay.
Stay, to see the first day of school as they proudly march off into a new world.
Stay, for the bedtime kisses and hugs.
Stay, because you deserve to feel loved, and no one loves quite like a child.
Stay, to see the little moments of their childhood, as fleeting as they may be.
Stay, for the good days because they will, one day, outweigh the bad.
Stay, for reasons only you know; the secret things between you and your child.
Stay, because hope is real and you’re not exempt from it.
Stay, to hold their little hand in yours and watch it grow.
I know its exhausting, fighting the everyday battle to stay alive. Hoping the next hour is better then the last. Batting the suicidal thoughts away like a swarm of flies. I’m fighting it with you, I’m hoping the same.
I don’t know when the pain will cease. But one thing I do know is the children that look up at you with love in their eyes, would rather you stay and rest for a while…then push until there is nothing left. Till the battle is lost, and their mama is gone.
Stay and fight.
Stay and rest.
Stay to feel love and to love.