Meghan Trainor opens up about living with PTSD following the traumatic birth of her son: 'I couldn't go to sleep at night'

Meghan Trainor is revealing her struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) following the scary 2021 birth of her son, Riley.

Discussing her new book Dear Future Mama: A TMI Guide to Pregnancy, Birth and Motherhood From Your Bestie with People, Trainor, 29, explained how she came to terms with the fact that she was suffering from PTSD. The Grammy-winning singer, who is married to Spy Kids star Daryl Sabara, gave birth via cesarean section in 2021 — however, the delivery didn't go as planned.

In an excerpt from her book shared with People, Trainor recalls the delivery, including her realization that something hadn't gone to plan.

"After a few minutes I realized that I hadn't heard him cry," Trainor wrote of her newborn. "I saw Daryl's face change as he looked over to where our baby was being worked on by the doctors."

Riley was whisked away by doctors, and hospitalized in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) due to breathing issues. In a drug-induced haze, Trainor then needed to be sewn back up but wasn't able to get much information on her baby.

"Usually when you're being sewn up for 45 minutes, you're like, 'Look at my gorgeous baby. We did it. This is everything.' But I was laying there alone," Trainor told People. "In the moment, I was so drugged up, I was calling my mom, and she's crying on the phone, like, 'Are you okay?' And I was like, 'We're fine.' And then when I tell people what happened, they're like, 'Jesus Christ,' and I'm like, 'Yeah, that was kind of messed up, right?'"

In the book, Trainor recalls how she heard from her husband that the baby was "perfect" and "beautiful" despite being hospitalized. However, the singer had to recover from her surgery, and "it was torture to know that he was so close and yet out of my reach." Finally, she got to go see her son, who was in an incubator. Ultimately, Riley was released from the hospital, but Trainor herself struggled tremendously.

Of the experience, Trainor told People, "I couldn't go to sleep at night. I would be in tears and tell Daryl, 'I'm still on that table, dude. I'm trapped there. I can't remind myself I'm in bed and I'm safe at home.' I had to learn how traumatic it was."

Back in February, the "All About That Bass" songstress spoke to Yahoo Life about her fears regarding her second pregnancy, which she announced at the end of January in an Instagram post. At about 10 weeks into her new pregnancy, she struggled to determine whether to have another C-section or try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean). Looking back on Riley's delivery, she debated her options.

"[Riley] didn't come out awake, you know, so I asked her, 'Well that was like a fluke, right? It was very rare,'" Trainor explained to Yahoo Life. "She was like, 'yeah, it probably won't happen if you do another C-section.' But, you know, birth is traumatic for everyone involved. So I am nervous I have to do that again, but I do want four kids, so I'm halfway there."

Ultimately, Trainor determined that she would just have to "surrender" to the experience of giving birth again.

"That's my big word: surrender. Surrender for one day, and for a bunch of pain," the new mom shared. "But I'm going to be distracted with the love of my life, you know?"

Trainor has long been open about her motherhood journey, even when there have been significant hurdles along the way. Back in 2020, she discussed "a tiny bump in the road" when she was diagnosed with gestational diabetes.

"I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes, but it's manageable and it's OK and I'm healthy and the baby's healthy," Trainor revealed to Today, noting that she has a famous history of the disease. "I just have to really pay attention to everything I eat. It's nice to learn so much about food and health and nice to hear that so many women experienced this."

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