Married People Are Sharing Advice They Want Young Couples To Know, And I Am Taking Notes

·5 min read

Earlier today, Reddit user DurableRestriction17 asked a serious question to the married people of the AskReddit community: "What advice would you give to young couples?"

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The thread had hundreds of great replies, as married people shared things they have learned over the course of their relationships. Here are some of the top-voted and best comments:

1."Don't stress over the little shit. You'll get annoyed at things you didn't even think possible — like how they organize themselves, how they load the dishwasher, difference in opinions for trivial things. Let that shit go."

Gay couple laughing over wine in the kitchen

"Think about what truly matters to you before you start an argument over your misplaced toothbrush, the color of paint to use in the living room, or what's going on in the garage at 10 p.m. with all the swearing. This will differ a bit, but this is coming from a man who's been married for 14 years with two kids."

Beholder84

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2."Go to sleep angry! Fighting while tired doesn’t accomplish anything. Revisit the argument the next day when you’re both fully rested and had time to think."

Couple going to sleep mad at each other
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3."Best advice I ever got: have realistic expectations of each other. Unmet expectations are the root of unhappiness."

Couple washing dishes together
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4."Communication, respect, honesty, and understanding are the cornerstones to a good relationship. Also, I would wait a few years to have kids if you are planning on having any."

Couple talking on couch
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5."Have fun as a couple, start your professional careers or at least finish any bucket list items, like traveling, before having kids."

—u/lazybeekeeper
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6."You are allowed to spend time away from your partner, you can have a friend group that are not part of your partner's friend group. And if you have kids, remember that you are partners, not just parents."

—Krikins
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7."Ten years from now, you and your spouse probably won’t be the exact same people that you are today. This can lead to conflict down the road. Try to find compromise and understand each other’s point of view."

<div><p>"- Don’t hold grudges.- Arguments will happen, but try not to end the day mad at each other.- Try to go on dates and do stuff together as much as you can.- Tell them you love them every day.</p><p>- Leave your friends and parents out of your relationship problems. If you need counseling/therapy, go to a professional."</p><p>—<a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Actuaryba/" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Actuaryba" class="link rapid-noclick-resp">Actuaryba</a></p></div><span> Peopleimages / Getty Images</span>

"- Don’t hold grudges.- Arguments will happen, but try not to end the day mad at each other.- Try to go on dates and do stuff together as much as you can.- Tell them you love them every day.

- Leave your friends and parents out of your relationship problems. If you need counseling/therapy, go to a professional."

Actuaryba

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8."Sex and money! Figure that shit out early, it's what causes sooo many problems. An extra 'session' in the bed for 15 minutes a week can sometimes save a marriage. And be honest about money."

Lesbian couple hugging in the bed
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9."Don’t rush into getting married, take the time to get to know each other and how you will work and communicate together. Make sure you’re on the same page on the important subjects."

Shot of a happy young couple cuddling in the living room
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10."As someone going through divorce right now, never, ever betray your spouse’s trust. It’s impossible to rebuild. I made a mistake and am paying the ultimate price for it. I miss my wife."

The word &quot;Trust&quot; torn in half
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11."Don’t say 'I’m helping my wife' when it comes to housework. You live there, you have eyes, just get up and do what needs to be done. Don’t expect your wife to manage the house and your life for you. She’s not your mother and does not want to be, especially if you have children."

Husband doing laundry while wife watches

"Don’t say that you’re babysitting your own children, it’s called parenting. Don’t expect praise every time you do something around the house.Be an actual partner, not a burden."

LibertyDaughter

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12."Do things your spouse enjoys, and don't keep score. For example, my wife loves going to soccer games but I don't, and I love horror movies but my wife doesn't. But I still go to games with her, and she still watches horror movies with me. Support each others' hobbies and interests."

Young couple bowling
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13."Couples counseling. It's so much easier to do couples counseling when things are going well than to wait for everything to go sour and try to fix it."

A happy couple in counseling appointment

"We did:

A weekend retreat before moving together to another part of the country, immediately before we got engaged.

Pre-conception counseling when we decided to have a child. We could address alllll of our issues without the additional burden of the relationship being bad. And, even though our relationship was great, those issues are still tough!

We talked about everything from our relationships with our families/jobs/money, to our dynamic with each other, to stuff like, 'I struggle to be attracted to you when you gain weight' and 'I don't trust you to stick around when things get hard.' Made it much easier to feel like we'd cleared the air before having a child."

u/am_i_pegnate

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14."Don't talk shit about each other to your friends or family members. You're a team. If you have a complaint and need to tell someone, be honest with your partner about it rather than telling a third party."

Young woman whispering secret into friend&#39;s ear
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And lastly...

15."Fight the issue, not each other."

Woman listening to husband
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You can read the full thread of responses on Reddit.

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.