Man drives home at 114 miles per hour in hopes of eating hot pizza

·2 min read
Pepperoni pizza on cutting board against a white background
Pepperoni pizza on cutting board against a white background

There are some foods that are just better straight from the oven, and one of them is pizza. The Union County Daily Digital in Ohio reports that a man was so eager to eat his pizza at its best that police deputies clocked him driving at 114 miles per hour. He was was eventually nabbed after some brief sleuthing.

After cops in West Liberty, Ohio, saw that the man was speeding, they tried to pull him over for a traffic stop. But they failed. They couldn’t catch the driver, who briefly shook them off his trail. The police were able to track him down, though. What gave the driver away was actually the smell of burnt rubber in an intersection nearby. The cops followed their noises all the way to the pizza lover’s driveway. They even found that the hood of the car in the driveway was still hot to the touch.

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When the police knocked on the speeder’s door, he came out and admitted to the deed. He said he’d fled because he was trying to get his pizza home and avoid getting written up for a traffic violation in the process. Despite an apology, the police arrested him on multiple charges, including obstructing official business, reckless opinion of a motor vehicle, and failure to comply with officers. There’s been no word on whether he got to eat his pizza before he went to jail.

This is like a Fast and Furious movie, except about a hot pizza and with way less Vin Diesel. (The Union County Daily Digital did not report if nitrous oxide was installed in the car.) In fact, maybe this will be the next movie in the franchise, stretched out over four hours of intense car maneuvers that make absolutely no sense. Do you think there would be no-reason missiles involved? I think there’d be missiles.

This also makes me wonder what other takeout is worth speeding home for. My vote goes to bone-in fried chicken.