Oh, for the love of Chmerkovskiy. The Dancing with the Stars star just told E! News that he can't wait to again plant his manly seed in his partner Peta Murgatroyd's pocket.
Their kid is, like, 2 seconds old. Murgatroyd has been posting pics of her breast milk-stained shirts on Instagram. How does she feel about this pop-'til-you-drop plan, we're wondering?
He said "pop," not us. Look:
"Fuck [yeah]. Yes, I would like to have as many kids as Peta decides to pop out," Chmerkovskiy said at an 18th birthday party for — can't make this stuff up — Swiffer. Yes, Chmerkovskiy was out partying with a battery-powered wet mop and talking procreation.
"I think we're going to have as many kids as we can ourselves and just adopt a couple of kids. I just want a big family."
His reasoning behind his insatiable lust for more children?
"I feel like the best part of having a child is you get to influence a brand-new human. If you're going to complain about some of the things happening in the world nowadays, you need to look at the generation that you are raising and say OK, the best way to change or to alter or to upgrade this world is to instill things in your children that you want them to have as adults and push that out."
We're going to assume this all sounds much better in Russian. Look, of course we understand wanting more kids, but we'd love to hear Murgatroyd's point of view on all this first. Since she's the only one who's going to "push that out," frankly.
Chmerkovskiy and Murgatroyd are prepping for Monday's season premiere of Dancing with the Stars, but these days Chmerkovskiy is all about the baby. The man can't even. He just can't.
"He farted a couple of times. It was super-cute. The first time he yawned I thought I was going to lose my mind," Chmerkovskiy said. No one can accuse this man of being an uninvolved father if he's getting this excited about baby gas.
"The first time he giggled I needed to walk away and reset, come back, because I was like, ‘This was the best thing that has ever happened to me.' Everything first that he does is amazing," Chmerkovskiy added.
We're hoping Chmerkovskiy slows his roll a little and maybe chats with Murgatroyd about his plan for upgrading civilization with their combined genetic code. He spoke fondly of his co-parent:
"I miss her now. She misses me the second I get to the airport. Sharing a child is an incredible opportunity to figure out who you are as a person and we are settling into our roles as parents I think the right way," he said. "We're just going to rely on one another and rely on our love, our unity and the sky is the limit."
His unrelenting positivity about parenthood and love and world domination does make us wonder a wee little bit about who's actually working the Swiffer at their house. Or doing laundry. Or washing poop-slathered onesies. But that's just our ice-cold cynical hearts talking. Ignore us.