In Knives Out, almost every member of the Thrombey family is guilty—not of murder, necessarily, but they’re certainly guilty of being miserable, terrible people. The family members at the center of Rian Johnson’s new whodunit aren’t on their best behavior during their patriarch's 85th birthday party. Said patriarch is wealthy mystery author Harlan Thrombey (Christopher Plummer), and things only get worse after Harlan is found dead with his throat slit. Detective Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) suspects foul play, and all of Harlan’s descendants quickly start eyeing the contents of his will. There’s backstabbing, racism, shit-posting, and possibly murder (and you thought Thanksgiving with your family was bad!)
Here are the ten members of the Thrombey family that we meet in the movie, ranked by how awful they are. Beware: This ranking will spoil the mystery of Knives Out, so don’t read ahead if you haven’t seen the film yet. It’s one of the rare movies that really is best seen cold.
- Wanetta "Great Nana" Thrombey (K Callan)
By virtue of being largely senile, Great Nana Thrombey is the best member of the Thrombey family. We don’t know what she was up to in her younger years, although she seems to have raised her son Harlan relatively well, even if her grandchildren and great-grandkids are terrible. All Great Nana really does in Knives Out is sit quietly, accidentally mumble a clue, and go to town on a salmon platter. Good for her!
- Harlan Thrombey (Christopher Plummer)
It’s bad form to speak ill of the dead; luckily, Harlan was a pretty good guy, from what we can see. He was extremely kind to his nurse, Marta Cabrera (Ana de Armas), and he recognized that his family had become corrupted by his wealth and support. If Harlan had a serious character flaw, it was his flair for the dramatic. His bold method of totally and completely cutting his family off caused some problems, and if he had just had a little more patience rather than inventing a complex murder-mystery scheme, the events of the film never would have happened—and Harlan would still be alive.
- Donna Thrombey (Riki Lindhome)
We don’t get to learn much about Donna Thrombey, Walt’s wife and Harlan’s daughter-in-law. She seems all too comfortable enjoying the Thrombey family’s wealth (and gigantic martinis), and she raised an alt-right troll. None of that speaks well of her, but she’s also very quiet and largely stays out of the way when her in-laws are having drama, which is extremely relatable.
- Linda Drysdale (Jamie Lee Curtis)
Harlan’s daughter Linda has some extreme “I want to speak to the manager” energy, and she’s the type of person who boasts about being totally self-made while neglecting to mention the million-dollar loan her daddy gave her to get the business started. She’s ruthless and has a dirtbag husband and a cretin for a son, but by Thrombey standards, she’s not half bad. Extra points for apparently having an excellent right hook that she can bust out in case of infidelity.
- Megan "Meg" Thrombey (Katherine Langford)
Were it not for one moment, Meg would easily be the best of the Thrombeys—a seemingly progressive, kind girl who genuinely appears to be friends with Marta and the rest of Harlan’s help. But she shows who she truly is when, faced with the prospect of losing Harlan’s tuition money, she reveals the secret of Marta’s mother’s undocumented status so that her family can use it to blackmail Marta. Meg’s allyship is as hollow as Fran’s drug stash.
- Walter "Walt" Thrombey (Michael Shannon)
Walt is the Thrombey family’s failson—a sad, off-putting middle-aged man who only has any sort of status or stability because of his family’s support. Granted, Harlan’s whole deal was that he realized his entire family was like this, but Walt’s the most obvious case. Also, Walt is the Thrombey who went down to Marta’s to attempt to intimidate and bully her into renouncing the inheritance, not-so-subtly threatening to go public with her mother’s immigration status if she didn’t acquiesce. What a gross, billy goat-bearded scumbag.
- Joni Thrombey (Toni Collette)
Joni, the wife of the late Neil Thrombey (who is not included in this ranking because he died well before the events of Knives Out), earns a place high in the rankings for being the only Thrombey other than Ransom to explicitly commit another crime during the movie. Joni embezzled hundreds of thousands of dollars from her father-in-law by double-dipping Meg’s tuition money. Add that to her clearly theatrical progressive streak and goopy influencer aesthetic and you get a rotten Thrombey.
- Richard Drysdale (Don Johnson)
Linda’s husband is the sort of deeply racist man who considers being called a racist to be the most offensive insult possible. Everything he does is at best a micro-aggression and at worst straight-up aggression. (Also, he’s cheating on his wife and is totally unrepentant about it, because of course he is.)
- Jacob Thrombey (Jaeden Martell)
Even Richard thinks Jacob is a Nazi, which says a lot about this alt-right, #MAGA troll. Jacob doesn’t get much to do in Knives Out, but that’s probably because he’s on his phone swatting Syrian refugees the whole time. The rest of the Thrombeys are horrible to each other and the people they’re interacting with, but Jacob is making the entire internet and the world a worse place, one 4chan post at a time.
- Hugh "Ransom" Drysdale (Chris Evans)
Ranson easily takes the top spot because he murdered Fran and was responsible for Harlan’s death. He’s also just a huge asshole, though. He wanted to frame Marta for murder and deprive her of her inheritance, he tried to stab her, he treats Harlan’s help like garbage, he dresses and acts like a total tool, and dogs don’t like him. Captain America: how could you?
Originally Appeared on GQ