Jeff Bezos is tired of Earth and the tangle of our lives, will fly to space next month

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Jeff Bezos demonstrates how he’ll turn the little spaceship knobs during his flight.
Jeff Bezos demonstrates how he’ll turn the little spaceship knobs during his flight.

Jeff Bezos, Amazon founder and the human equivalent of a storybook gold-hoarding dragon, has found yet another way to blur the distinction between himself and the cartoon supervillains who inspire his plans for galactic domination. Having completed his work on Earth, Bezos will now head for the great unknown of space on a rocket ship with his little brother to, we guess, role-play The Expanse and more literally look down upon the rest of humanity in true billionaire fashion.

In a hilarious Instagram video posted yesterday, Bezos announced that he will fulfill a dream he’s had since he was five years old. He will take the ultimate divorced-dude road trip on a ship made by his company, Blue Origin. The clip shows photos of a baby Bezos playing around and the Earth from above as the man himself explains how seeing our planet from space “changes you. He talks of how badly he’s always wanted to leave the dirt and toil of our world behind. He then introduces us to his brother Mark, who he invites to join him.

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“I really want you to come with me,” Bezos says, wearing sunglasses and a cowboy hat while hanging out in front of a bunch of cameras, as one does while chatting with a sibling. “Seriously?” Mark says, shocked at this display of generosity. “I think it would be meaningful” Bezos replies, simulating human emotion, “to have my brother there.”

The trip is set for July 20th and will see Bezos and Mark—who, incredibly, works for a poverty-relief organization called Robin Hood—board a capsule called New Shepard that CNN reports will “tear toward the edge of space on a 11-minute flight that’ll reach more than 60 miles above Earth.”

The obvious question is why Bezos wants to go to space right now, specifically. It may be because he wants to mark a big career change. It may be because he wants to celebrate 2020, which was a great year for everyone. Or it maybe he just wants to go on a more personal fact-finding mission about how bad it is, really, to have to pee in bottles.

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