Jamie Foxx's Electro Is Coming to the MCU. That Only Means One Thing.

Brady Langmann
·3 mins read
Photo credit: Sony Pictures
Photo credit: Sony Pictures

From Esquire

BANG! Finger guns. POW! Finger guns. Strut, strut, strut. What’s up? Play some jazz. Got nuts? Go make me some nuts.

Oh. Didn’t see you there. Was busy channeling the irrational confidence and Hot-Topic heroism of my favorite superhero: Emo Peter Parker. From 2007’s Spider-Man 3, when an emo symbiote infects Tobey Maguire’s web-slinger, promptly turning him into Pete Wentz. You see, his power was so great that the world was not ready for it, his grooves so damn fine that Sony called it quits on the entire franchise and recasted Spider-Man. You know the rest: Andrew Garfield, then Tom Holland, Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good, billions of dollars.

Now, there’s reason to hope for Emo Pete’s return, eyeliner and all. Friends, countrymen, and you—yes, you!—nursing a PBR in your cousin’s basement, moshing to a Yellowcard cover band, circa 2004: The Hollywood Reporter broke the news that Jamie Foxx will star in the sequel to Spider-Man: Far From Home. As… Electro. From 2014’s The Amazing Spider-Man 2, which featured Garfield in the leading role. If you’ll remember, too, J.K. Simmons’s J. Jonah Jameson, from Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man trilogy appeared at the end of Spider-Man: Far From Home. Add them up… carry the two… divide by seven… ah, yes! Got it.

Like DC, Marvel is going full meme, and going all-in with introducing the multiverse to its next chapter of films and shows. By the way, this was already confirmed when we saw that Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness was going to be a thing, but now we’re seeing actual casting news to back it up. This all means, technically, that any Spider-Man we’ve seen could tear straight through some sci-fi portal to scare the bejeezus out of Tom Holland’s Spidey.

Earnest, good-interntioned fans might call for Miles Morales. Or Garfield’s lanky take on the hero. Hell, even the decade-older-than-he-should’ve been Maguire from Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2. But I’d like to throw the most-maligned big-screen take on Spidey into the ring.

Emo Peter Parker: The only entity who is capable of surpassing the level of chaos Thanos brought to the MCU. Emo Peter will sucker-punch you. Emo Peter will put some dirt in your eye. Emo Peter only pays rent WHEN YOU FIX THIS DAMN DOOR. Emo Peter can dance, man, and he doesn't care if you're watching. (But if you are? He might buy your next drink.) Emo Peter is the personification of 2020: Harbinger of doom, dumb as hell, giver of no fucks. If the post-Thanos MCU reflects even a sliver of our current reality, then the bangsed Tobey is the only villain for it.

Friends. Let me paint you a picture. It’s the airport scene in Captain America: Civil War. Tony Stark yells “Underoos!” and Tom Holland Spidey shows up, just like before. But wait. Captain America belts, “TOBES!” and Emo Peter Parker dances his way into the frame. You think it’s over. No. Stark wrinkles his brow. “Johnny!” A motorcycle engine roars from afar. It’s Nic Cage’s Ghost Rider, surrounded by a swarm of bees, because The Wicker Man is part of the MCU now, too. “NOT THE BEES!” screams Denzel Washington’s Herman Boone, from Remember the Titans. You realize every film from the aughts is part of the MCU now. One of those bees? It’s Jerry Seinfeld’s titular bee from the Bee Movie. He gives a rousing speech: “Bees have never afraid to change the world. I mean, what about Bee Columbus, Bee Ghandi, Bee-Jesus?” Edward Cullen weeps.

In summation: Bring on the MCU multiverse, where Emo Peter Parker will resume his reign over the superhero genre, and it’ll once again be pizza time, forever and ever.

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