Jada Pinkett Smith Says Friendship Is More Important Than Romance in a Marriage

Photo credit: Vivien Killilea - Getty Images
Photo credit: Vivien Killilea - Getty Images

From Oprah Magazine

Actress Jada Pinkett Smith speaks just as candidly on Instagram as she does on her Facebook Watch series, Red Table Talk. She recently posted a revelatory video about her misstep in prioritizing romantic love and allowing her ego to go unchecked in her 21-year marriage to Will Smith.

"I had an epiphany the other day," Jada said in the short clip. "I had to call Will and say, ‘You know what? I have to thank you for enduring my rage.’ It made me realize how durable love must be because we don’t have all the answers at the beginning. We go through life and we get the answers as we go, and we can break things as we’re finding the answer."

The long-lasting Hollywood couple wed in 1997 on New Year’s Eve, and have publicly discussed the ups and downs of their relationship. For example, the two recently opened up on Red Table Talk in October about their "horrible" wedding day and the "poisonous" aspects of their marriage. But now, the Girls Trip star is shedding light on why she doesn’t believe romantic love is the highest form of love, due to the fact that it’s an impossible standard to reach and could negatively impact your love life.

"I realized how unmet standards of romantic love often justified it to turn into a cold heart that many times can fuel hateful and brutal actions of revenge and manipulation towards someone you say or said you loved," she captioned the video on Instagram. "It actually may be the only form of love you can fall OUT of."

She added: "At one point, my romantic standard of love was all that mattered and if it wasn’t met…there was more than hell to pay. My romantic standards were feeding my ego whether they were met or unmet. I experienced some very hard lessons (and continue to do so) that formed the decision that my ego and my heart could not share the same space.”

Because of that realization, she was able to turn things around in her own relationship by focusing more on cultivating a deep friendship with Smith as opposed to just strictly romance.

"It was the deciding factor to transform my union to @willsmith from a marriage (contaminated with all the above) to a life partnership led by and steeped in 'devotional friendship,'" she ended the caption. "The only thing to do in life is to find the form of love where we can give the best of ourselves AND...it’s not always going to look like you thought."

Kudos to Pinkett Smith for providing our #MondayMotivation about love and marriage.

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