I Need the IPification of the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard Trial to Stop

Today, in cursed news: the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard defamation trial has reached its inevitable next phase: a film adaptation.

Tubi—which, I gather? is a streaming service?? owned by Fox???—will debut Hot Take: The Depp/Heard Trial (🤮) on September 30, which makes me think that they were filming this thing during the trial. If you've already purged the saga from your brain (good for you), Depp and Heard battled in a way-too-public trial this past spring, which ended with a jury finding that Heard had defamed Depp when she hinted at domestic violence allegations in a 2018 piece for The Washington Post. Depp also was found guilty of one defamation charge. Mark Hapka and Megan Davis will star as Depp and Heard, respectively, in a film that will reportedly dramatize the messy proceedings.

"Hot Take: The Depp/Heard Trial is one of many timely, culturally relevant original movies to come from our expanding partnership and slate of movies being produced in collaboration with Tubi," said Hannah Pillemer, MarVista's Executive Vice President Creative of Affairs. "Connecting viewers to stories with this kind of social currency and topicality make watching them a must for any fan of pop culture or celebrity drama."

I hate to say it, but Hot Take: The Depp/Heard Trial is surely the first adaptation of this mess—the shot-in-five-days Lifetime movie, before the Prestige one where Christian Bale plays Depp. Hot Take is pretty damn gross for a name here, too, considering the amount of domestic abuse allegations that were leveled in this case. Can we just put a halt to this? Now? Or at least borrow the Johnny Depp animatronic from Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean ride, so no human actor has to ever play this dude? Yeah. Let's go with that.

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